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At times at night, I reflect upon the day as I usually do, and, I feel rather under-appreciated. I don't know what this feeling is or why I am feeling it. Maybe I am trying to fill a void? I probably know what the void is and yet, I refuse to do anything about for fear of just flopping out and just succumbing to temptation as usual. I rather just be out then in and then out again. I would hate to drag down the name down with me. Bah. As I was saying earlier, I just feel that people don't value me as much as they should. See? Sounded egotistical and self-absorbed, right? I just want people to want to talk to me,to want to have really good, fun conversation. It seems that I drive people away or I am really boring. The friends I know now just don't seem too into me. The only person I want to really, really, talk to me is _____. Now, by my saying that, I am in no way putting down anyone else or anything similar to that. I am just saying that I've shared so much intimate information with her and placed so much hope and emotion into her, that, she really is the only person who's opinion matters the most to me by far. She may not know it, but, I would still jump through hoops for this woman.Even though I rarely think about her, I am still stuck on that woman. I will continue to push her to the side, but it is hard. I get sad when she does not seem to want to talk to me. This pseudo break-up is doing a number on my thought process.Is it wrong to want lively conversation? I need to get some fast talkers and some outgoing people on my roster. I do not know anymore.

I try to quit this game, but, something is always pulling me back in. I am fortunate to be STILL alive and on this earth, but, I wish I had some money. Money does not make the man or truly bring happiness, but, it does have a stimulating effect on you if you have never really had too much of it to begin with and you would like to purchase things. I saw so many shirts at Old Navy and a cool blazer that fit me pretty well to help bolster my image, alas, I had only ten dollars and hope to get me by. Here I am in a store, looking at different articles of clothing to help me achieve my more casual-cool, urban-cool look, and, no dollars. Aye, I am getting paid tomorrow. How much? Go figure. Probably, at most, 20 dollars. It was a weird schedule, that is how it is. I really would like to buy that blazer. I told my mother about it, and she replied, "If it is there tomorrow, then it is for you". Eek, I'm a size small in those blazers as well as an acquaintance of mine from last semester. Do you know hard it is for me to find clothes in my size? I'm size Medium in casual button-up shirts, a Small in blazers and coats, and have a 30 by 34/36 in pants. That last measurement is especially hard to find. I have to go to Academy which is 30 minutes south, and 30 minutes west of where I live to find pants that fit such a unique figure. America, the world, Gaia, is my mind trying to tell me something? They say money is the root of all problems, but, if I was not inhibited by the lack thereof, I would be a lot happier. Yes, I said it. We all need money, so do not judge me.