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Feelings about my real mom:

I'm so upest because i'm full of regret?
That's the only reason why I think I feel this way. Because I can't erase the pain of yesterday. No more crying about dad dying;This is what everyone is thinking,but how can I feel this way when my heart is sinking. As i'm standing still your passing by...forgetting I ever existed. I was the best thing that ever hapened to you,but you just missed. I'm in my room again trying to figure out why I deserve these lies. I try and try to anticipate it,but you've become so good that I can't even tell when your faking. I feel so lost,looks like I don't have a purpose....the only thing i'm good at is messing up,pressing my luck,and not giving a ********. Who cares? Everyone claims they do,but isn't lies more beautiful than the truth. Feeling like this is now a way a living. No longer an emotion,I put all my devotion into feeling like this. Everyone else thinks I look happy on the outside,but no one knows how it is when you think you've died inside. How do you live when your other half is missing? No one else is here to help me out,not sit here and argue and put me out. I just wanted to say that it's not right that i'm stuck here in the middle of this fight. Whatever it is you want me to say,you best believe i'd rather die afraid. I'm so sick of you with all your stories of how hard it was living without me! Well, boo-hoo because I never missed you. How can you miss someone who was never there? Someone who never even took the time to care? Everytime I say that you say it's not fair. How can I be fair to someone who broke my dad's heart?! You stomped on it,ripped it out,and it tore him apart. I was left all alone to try to mend his heart and it kills me to still not know how to figure it out. I prayed everyday that it would get better and it did. My dad met this woman and she had a kid. We became friends, it was here,me,and my little sister till the end. Then,my dad dies and leaves me broken inside,words can't even come close to how much I miss him. Never knew it would feel like this when he went missing. Now,no more dad so what do I do? I thought that i've been through with you. Then one day a letter comes in the mail,saying me and my sister were just rented out and never for sale. As far as i'm concerned,you were never my mom! Why don't you understand...that my dad took his responsibilites like a man.


~not finish,will come back when I feel more~