I don't feel good. Everytime I feel a little better someone just smushes the good feeling. I said sorry and I know sometimes sorry isn't good enough, but she was being a jerk too. She still didn't apologize and I have no time for nonsense. I know now the reason for why I do... I wish my dad were here he always seemed to have the answer to everything that is going on now with my life.
Just the other day I had to visit his grave sight... I nearly puked,because the thought of my father,the one who I ask advice,the one who's always there for me.....being maggot food. I cried and then my step-mom told me to pull myself together,that only made me cry more... I always feel like living isn't worth the pain and suffering that has been inflicted upon me. I wanna quit life all the time...Anti-depressants don't work for me,they make me sick. I wish I died in the hospital. I am so tired of having to be an adult about everything....I don't think I Can live up to the standards everyone set for me.... I'm tired of it. I am sorry for being such a bad daughter when my father was alive. I was always complaining and yelling at him. I am sorry for whatever I said to my bestfriend... I am sorry that I put my step-mom through so much.. I am sorry I make everyone worry... I am just sorry for existing....
I wanna die so bad.... If I take the whole bottle of asprin,maybe I won't feel anything. I try so hard to feel up the hole my dad left in my heart. I want him to be with me now... I miss him all the time... I wonder if he misses me.... I try to do things to make him proud,but I only end up failing... I've truly failed at life... Toodles
-/The Worst Person Ever/-
[affection.whore] · Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 06:14am · 0 Comments |