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in case you dont know what atlas van lines is its a trucking company that moves peoples things..
i hate it..not the company itself just what it means...
my whole life i hear my mom words say this "there is your father,sweetie"..everytime one of those trucks pass our car..
that truck is not my father!..it is just a truck!
just because he worked there..and was a trucker..doesnt mean its him..
that job killed him..why would i want to be reminded of that everytime i hear those words..
i hate those words she always says..i wish she never spoke them to me..
that is what a mind is for to say things to yourself and not outloud..
because some people just dont want to hear certain things...
im tried of hearing "hi Al","hi darling","there is your father",and other stuff..
not only does she said but mostly every adult in my family..
i understand it is there way to mourn him..to remember him..
i get that..and im glad they have that...i just wish they understood that i dont want to be apart of that..
that i cant..i cant mourn him..i cant remember him..because i never knew him..
and i just wish they wouldnt do that stuff infornt of me..
everytime i see that truck..i just want to run away,go to a dark corner and cry...cry till there is no more tears..
because i cant handle that..i cant handle those words..i cant handle seeing that truck and knowing what it means..it hurts so much..
to be reminded what i have lost...i feel like everyday god mocks me..
mocks me with signs of the people i have losted..im sick of it..
i dont want to be mocked..to be reminded..
when im on the bus going to school..or coming home..or in the car going to someplace..i see that truck..and i just want to cry..and sometimes i do..
but no one notices my tears..not even in the daylight...not my family or people on the bus...
i dont care that no one notices my pain..whatever...it just proves im not wanted..and not cared about...
who knew a truck..could cause so much pain to a person...