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...my twisted thoughts...
never wanted my words read but cant make them private and have no other place for them,understand some dont see this so wont know,basicly what im saying is if want to look through my journal its fine,for dont mind anymore,im just sorry its awful..
die god!
you can call me evil...a betrayer of the holy god..
i dont give a damn..im pissed! i hate him!
you hear me I HATE YOU!! YOU! GOD!..
with ever fiber of my being..i hate him...
dont i have a right to though..?
he killed my father,my false father (my dog),my cat,my two birds,my grandfathers (mother and father side),my grandmother (on father side),my aunt kim,my one dwarf hamster,my sisters hamter,and now her young twin hamsters,two fish,and so many more people/animals i cant name..because the list is so long..its higher then 10 and it hurts to mention everyone..because then it reminds me of all the loss i have lost...
so i think i have ever right to hate god..because god is a MURDERER!
he kills..everyday!....he has no heart..
least not a beating pulsing red one...for his heart is cold and black!
i beg for death! i BEG!..DAMN IT!
i cant take it anymore!...im falling apart...
people rip me to shreads everyday....it weakens me so much...
and to top it off...im surrounded by death!...
im getting drained....my body is failing...i cant take it anymore..
all this death its killing me...i just wanted death....thats all i ever wanted...
my GOD DAMN LIFE!! NOT ANYONE ELSES!!!
BUT DAMN YOU GOD..YOU TAKE THEIR LIVES..REPEATEDLY MOCK ME..
AND STILL YOU WONT TAKE MINE!
WHY??!! NOT!
i need death....i needed death when i was just 4months old...
even when i didnt know what death was....i needed it then....
you cant expect a child to live a life with one half of themselves!
so damn you god!..i hate you..i wish death would take you!..
but you cant die...can you!?
how can the almighty die??!!
i dont know that answer..but i dont care..if death wont take me..
then i'll wait..i'll wait! i'll wait till my time to die..
so i can crawl my way up to heaven to rip your pearly white gates apart..crawl up to your throne...
seeing you sitting so confident..so powerful...thinking im almighty nothing can harm me..espeically not a pathic girl..
whos angry with him for the hell he brought her!
but dont be fooled by the appearance...like the saying goes dont judge a book by its cover..the same goes here..
dont judge me by my appearance...because when i die...
i will be your worst nightmare!!!!!!!!
i will rip your chest wide open...grab your cold black heart..peircing my nails and fingers into it...pulling it out of the gap in your chest...
your blood will drip down my hand to my arm....
drip...drip....drip.....drip....
i toss your heart away....rip out your tonge...then your ears.....
lastly your eyes....so you could see what you created...
the monster you ******** CREATED!!!....
tears will run down my face...but not tears for you...
but tears for everyone i LOST!!!!....
my hatred for you dried my tears for you long ago...
when i weep its not for you....its for them...my family..my friends....
you stole everything...EVERYTHING!!!
you left me to rot...to decay...but you tortured me....because you wouldnt answer me...you wouldnt kill me...
you gave me a slow agonizing death....just like the people that betrayed me do....
their betrayal kills me piece by piece everyday.......and your non-action...killed me piece by piece...
here i am.....an empty shell....an empty body.....soulless...
im broken....im cursed.....
clearly....death surrounds me.....i wanted death for myself....
but it never came..but IT DID FOR THOSE I LOVED!!!!!
DAMN YOU ******** GOD!!!!
I WISH YOU ROT IN HELLL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!
FOR YOUR CRIMES OF SELFISH,BARBARIC,UNJUST BEHAVIOR.....
you say yours just...yet the good die young....and the bad live till their old...
and those who hate you live...and those who love you die....
where is the just there!!! WHERE!!!????
damn these tears!!...i cant take it anymore...i cant...
i once believed if i trust you...then you would answer my prayers..
but you never did...so my hatred grew..by each life you took from me...
why am i cursed!!...why am i unlucky!!....why am i surrounded by death!!...
its as if im on a battlefield.....the dead corpses of soldiers...are my family..and friends...
im soaked in their blood.....i cant wipe the blood off my hands...
i cant get the smell of death out of my nose...
the smell haunts me where ever i go....
i cant run from it.....
all i wanted was my death...not theirs....
but you god didnt obey it...instead you killed them...
THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD DAMN YOU GOD!!!!
I WANT YOU DEAD!!!!
YOU DESERVE DEATH...NO YOU DESERVE AN IMMORTAL LIFE OR TORTURE...
but i'll settle for a quick death...or slow agonizing one...whatever...
as long as you die!!
die god....DIE!!!!....PLEASE....JUST DIE.....
i cant take anymore death...either you die...so no more death can surround me....
or you kill me.....and i'll let the fires of Hell..surround me....i'll feel my flesh burst and bubble from the touch of the flames....
i'll feel the pain as my skin melts off my bones....hearing it slide right off....
im used to pain now....so that would not bother me....
im not afraid to go to Hell....i welcome Hell.....
die god...die!..and take me with you!!....to Hell!!
or when i die...i'll kill you and drag you down to Hell with me!!!
DIE GOD!!!


writer's note:
hmmm....what to say....all that is written here is how i feel...i wanted death...it never came....so now i want god to die.....as revenge for all the death and blood he has spilled in the past!..........-_-
i hate him.....and i miss them T-T





 
 
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