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...my twisted thoughts...
never wanted my words read but cant make them private and have no other place for them,understand some dont see this so wont know,basicly what im saying is if want to look through my journal its fine,for dont mind anymore,im just sorry its awful..
things wrong with me
this wont be in any kind of order just what comes to mind first..
1.)sleepless nights..get probably 2-3hrs..on a good night..since it takes hours to fall asleep then once alseep i'll have this freaky a-- nightmare that startles me awake..then from there on im paralyzed in this sortof sleep for i cant move and cant open eyes but can hear and understand everything that is happening around me..and i always wake up extremely tired..
2.)yawn alot (due to lack of good sleep)..probably yawn hmm 50-100times in one hour..you do the math (im to tired at the moment to do math)
3.) get random brusies and cuts on me..is weird places sometimes..and it takes ahile for them to go away..
4.)always have a headache..it just varies in levels 1(mild) to 10 (extremely painful to the point i feel sick-nausious and dizzy)
5.) get dizzy alot..sometimes i dont have good balance if its really bad and will fall down)
6.) dont really have an appiete..just find food gross'ish..and never really want to eat it..will just eat dinner most nights and have to kinda force myself to eat it sometimes..wont eat meat though..only on some occasions..
7.)loosing my hair..(well if talk to family im going crazy) but dont think i am since when take a shower will loose alot of hair..and everytime brush it there is always alot of hair in the brush..and even if comb my fingers through my hair strands come out..and my part looks to have gotten wider and seems like can see my scalp more easily now..and hair is thinner..ill only keep hair in ponytail for work and when have to put it up will sometimes have to do a comb over to hide my part for fell its to wide..(who knows maybe im crazy..but idk..its alot of hair that comes out..more then it ever was before...)
8.) feel sharp pains in many different places: shoulders, at my side, never my ribs,back,legs,arms,feet,fingers,knees,head..basicly everywhere..and it lasts for awile..it comes and go all the time..but it feels like someone stabbed a knife in that spot..
9.) taste blood in my mouth sometimes..
10.) teeth hurt sometimes..feels like they are gonna fall out..
11.)have this bone?extra cartilage? idk what it is exactly but on my left wrist this thing pokes out soetimes it goes out very far other times its just a half inch out..and most times it hurts or feels weird..
12.) see things that arent there..shadows that arent there..sometimes see people (for im freak out for think im gonna walk into them so step back)and nothing is there..no one..but i did see someone..it doesnt make sense..once i saw bloody severed fingers on my dresser and when looked back at it, it was just green rocks...will see leaves falling but im inside and not looking at a window just at a wall..there are many other cases but to many to write all down..
13.) sometimes will loose feeling (numbness) in a limb or whatever..for a couple of minutes sometimes longer..
14.) my heart sometimes stops for a couple of seconds then guess it restarts (idk) and i grasp for air (which sounds like im sighing..which makes people think im either bored or annoyied..but nope..just trying to breathe)..during this i get a pain in my chest..
15.)get aches as if my joints hurt or are sore..kinda makes me feel really old but im not..only 19years old..it kinda feels like i banged a leg or whatever aches into something and its bruised but the area wont have a bruise and know didnt hit it against anything..
16.) have paraniona..about everything..will freak out that i left the stove on (even when never used to stove that day)or freak out left door open even though know i slam it shut when leave..and i million of other things i freak out of for paraniod that did something wrong or forgot to do something..

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there is more things to this list..but its getting late..and to tired to keep typing them done..will write the rest another time if can remember..





 
 
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