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...my twisted thoughts...
never wanted my words read but cant make them private and have no other place for them,understand some dont see this so wont know,basicly what im saying is if want to look through my journal its fine,for dont mind anymore,im just sorry its awful..
a letter for you..(#2)
July 7th,2010

Dear Aunt Kim,
You passed away 2 or 3years ago. Im sorry i dont know which number of years it is..im bad with length of time,for everything seems to be one huge length not separated. im sorry if thats confusing aunt kim. i just want to tell you i miss you so terribly much, i miss your beautiful smile and laugh. You were the sunlight and sunshine in my dark life. you were an amazing person,so kind and nice. and very funny. i miss your jokes. you were my favorite aunt (sorry aunt diane and the others) but you were. even though i didnt see you alot,and we werent as close as you were with my other cousins and amanda. but still you meant alot to me. im so sorry i didnt talk to you more,i regret being so quiet and shy. because i missed my chance to hear your voice more and know you more. i hope you can forgive me. im sorry you passed away i wish i could change things. i wish i could have healed you of your cancers,of the pain you felt. the pain you went through, i wish i could have took your pain away,i would have took it all for myself if i had the power to grab your pain from yourself. but i have no idea how to do that..and now you are gone..and i feel so sad. i wish i could have saved you. because not many people have a light inside of themselves as you did you shined so bright,even as you died a slow painful death you never complained you never talked badly of god of anyone. you were a true saint and truely loyal to your beliefs of god and his love. you believed him so greatly,i wish i knew why you loved him so much after everything you went through. you had so much strength..and so brave so so brave..i wish you know this about yourself. and im so sorry that day you died. when they let us into your hospital room to say goodbye to you..im sorry when it was my turn to go in..i couldnt say goodbye outloud it was so painful the tears were coming and everyone was watching and i didnt want to cry infornt of them,i didnt want to show my tears to them. im sorry i couldnt say goodbye outloud it was mumbled and sounded like nothing but i told you inside my mind in my soul "i love you so much aunt kim,im sorry you been threw so much pain,i wish you to be free of your pain when you arrive in heaven i wish you to be healed and free of the pain and the cancers (for you had more then one kind of cancer)and i told you i will so deeply miss you and i will always forever love you,i'll try my best to remember everything you said and i will remember you forever". im so deeply sorry aunt kim i failed you my memory is awful i cant remember everything you said..i have forgotten the sound of your voice..its right there inside my mind but at the same times it locked away in my subconcious and i cant unlock it..and i so badly do i want to unlock so i can hear the sound of your sweet voice. im sorry..i wish i could hear it again..i wish i could hug you again..wish you didnt have to go. im sorry lj,nicole,and jessica have to know the pain of losing a parent like stephanie,amanda,and me know..im sorry uncle larry lost his love his soulmate like my mom did..your sister..im sorry you have to leave your family your husband and children..im so sorry aunt kim..i hope you know i love you and miss you..

Love Always,
staci...your neice...


rest in peace Aunt Kim...i hope your pain is gone..i hope you are better..and are there with the people we have loved but are gone from this world (earth) now...i hope their company keeps you happy..






User Comments: [1] [add]
LynBlogXO
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Dec 03, 2010 @ 06:37pm
aww! :'( that's so touching <3


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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