Haven’t posted in a while. Incase some of you haven’t noticed, I’m fine (read my last entry if you are confused). Just a few thoughts I needed to spill out, and as some of you may have noticed from my previous entries, they can be depressing and or very deep. So if you’re in the mood for something about candy or shoes…stop reading. P.S. after reading this, I realize it is extra depressing…
A lot has been going on the last few weeks. Started my sophomore year of high school. * Insert sarcastic remark here *. The odd thing is, most people would say “darn, summer is over” or “I really don’t want to go back to school” but I couldn’t wait to go back. For a while I could not understand why anyone would give up time with their friends, if it meant they could sleep in an extra hour. I still don’t know the answer, because I am not anyone but me. I can however answer why I am the opposite of that. All the work and tests aside, some of the best memories I have are from school. No matter how much pain my dad causes me, getting on that bus seems to temporarily make it non-existent. From when I get on the bus until when I get off at the end of the day, being around my friends (even if we don’t say anything) makes life ok. Back when I lived with my mother, we moved at least once a year, sometimes twice, meaning I never had a friend for more than a year or two. I remember last year I said “I have known her for like almost two years, she is like a sister to me” and the person I said it to was confused. They couldn’t understand how almost two years is a long relationship to me. That’s why my friends from here are very important to me and are at the top of my list. I had the chance last year to move out of my dads house (which if you have heard even one of the stories, you would probably move if you were in my shoes.) but I didn’t. I told everyone that my dad changed his mind and we stayed, but that was a lie. I was tired of moving and tired of losing my friends, and I had found a very important group of people who have been like a family to me. That shows you how much I love my friends. I would rather stay with my friends and deal with a very abusive, anger addicted, psychopath than go live with my favorite aunt. (P.s. she is uber cool) and incase no one remembers me almost moving, that was back when I told everyone I was going to move to Ohio at the end of my freshman year, and then I said I was going to stay all four years. The only good time I have in this god forsaken home is when my brother Matt is in town, but he just started his third tour in Iraq, and coincidentally my dad has become much worse than ever before, so I must go an entire year without him here to save me maybe longer (god forbid) if he, you know…doesn’t come back. Even though at school it is like my home life lacks existence, it really doesn’t. No one sees past my jokes, “assholeness” (which by the way, just because I am an a*****e sometimes, doesn’t mean I like being called it) and sarcastic way of life because I won’t let them. I don’t show my emotions because I have realized how annoying it is when someone who has a much better life than you complains about how hard they have things, and I realize I could have it worse, there is always someone with a worse life. I always try to help others because I realize as hard as it is for me to go this alone, most people cant do it. Some people need a hand to hold a shoulder to cry on, a candle in the darkness…but not me. Letting me be that shoulder or that hand, that is my candle in the darkness. When I help someone with his or her problems, even if it is just by being there, it helps me forget that I need help too.
P.s. if you ever get the chance, listen to the song Behind blue eyes by limp bizkit (I know the band may not be that good, but this is a rare good song by them. Its very good I think)
Brandon_05 Community Member 
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