LISTEN >ActONEp1

• Artist: SeventhDog
• Description: I'm not sure how to describe it just yet... but it was inspired by many things- especially "Earth Maiden Arjuna".
• Date: 07/22/2009
• Tags: listen

We cannot hear if we cannot listen.
We cannot listen if we do not hear.
We cannot listen if we do not want to hear.

We cannot listen...

if we...

"Earth to Kris! Hello~ Kris! Kris!"

"HUH?!" I opened my eyes widely and stared up and above me to see a head poke into view. A familiar face...

"Hey, Kris." His voice was idle and distant, a bit annoyed but anxious about something. I think he was maybe looking forward to something, but I'm probably to dense to notice it.

"Oh. It's you, Kaz."

"Kaz? That's what you call me?"

Nodding, I sit up to remind myself of where we are. The "Sparkling Hill". It's a hill that sits higher than the rest of the land of Florida. It's hot. It's humid. Just like I remember it always being. The sea breeze blows into my face just about 24/7 and the ocean music is soft and soothing. The children laugh like there's no tomorrow each day I'm here in the summer.

But it was this very day that I...

That I Died.

Comments

[SeventhDog]

Thanks a bunch for the feedback! I take it all to heart!
and after rereading it, I can agree with you Purple-shoes616. And thank you about saying that I have at least some talent^^

aya Fujimiya_Omi Takatori--- thank you and if I do have time, I will!

[Purple-shoes616]

Well you have some talent and that's more than i can say for most.
If i were you i would switch the words "listen" and "hear" in the intro.
edit the grammar a little. a few mistakes here and there. And i think if you take out the elipses (...) and the spacing from the ending it would be much more effective

[aya Fujimiya_Omi Takatori]

umm...it's...um interesting. but it was written very well. you should write more, i mean add to this. And if you have time, look up my username and check out what i wrote, and tell me what you think. wink

[SeventhDog]

comment myself. XD