The Journal of a rebellion

• Artist: Fireblood90
• Description: It's a story I made I was bored so this is what I came up with It's probably better than my last so I hope you enjoy it. It's based on the fiture when humans meet with alien races theres going to be more than one part this is a prolouge so theres not much to it
• Date: 10/07/2008
• Tags: journalofarebellion

Diary of the rebillion 1
Dear Diary October 7 3000:


It is the age of a new beginning. Things have happened that were unbelievable in the last years. Something tells me that the humans found something big. We have met many new races in the empire. New gods Apherditetie Eros strange Eros is the god of love in Greek. wait someones coming I'll come later. Justin

As Justin closed the diary. He was right someone came knocking on the door.
"Open up we know you are in there Earthling," A species known as Nins yelled.
"You Nins must be all the same treat us with no respect" Justin said getting ready to open thew door.

"Quiet and hurry with the door or we'll knock the door down"
Justin quickly opened the door and saw the nins holding blaster rifles. The Nins are a race that have anger issues there faces a filled with scars for they hunger for war they hate every race except there own and there brother race Nids whic are the exact opposet of Nins.

"You are under arrest you can bring 2 items choose quickly we will suplly the blankets no need to bring that" the Nin said counting for Justin to get an item. Of course Justin knew he was going to bring his Diary and Pen.


To be continued....

Comments

[The_Musical_Soldier]

(Sorry got cut off) No real suspense to grab the reader. You need to go further in depth with the writing for people to understand the situation and grasp what is truly going on. Work on these things and you'll become a great writer. You have the ideas just not the literacy.

[The_Musical_Soldier]

This little piece of writing shows that you have some good ideas. Many people could work with this. Things, however, that you need to work with is checking the spelling of the writing, the punctuation and keep the whole writing piece in the same tense. These come with experience in writing but you can't tell a story if you can't control your words. All in all, I'll give it a 3 out of 5, there really wasn't much put into it and usually I wouldn't read given the generic introduction. No real suspe