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~*New Message
Thats what i waited for. After the christmas concert, i quickly took a shower. Afterwards i got a text from Tanner.
'Do you hate your mom?'
My mom was ticking me off with the pictures, just take it and leave, but i didn't hate her. Just a bit botherd. Our texting conversation was very random and last till midnight.
I was laying in my bed, under the covers. My phone on vibrate, i was on my back waiting for my phone to vibrate or atleast light up. Giving me the new message sign. I was tired and wanted to stop, but we were playing a guessing game.
Who do you like?
Back and forth we guessed. Tanner was being an idiot, and went to the most very unlucky guys i would like in my life. While his, i didn't well bother. He never gave me an answer.
Is it human nature to not point out the obvious answer, when answering the question on, who you like?
He wanted me to tell him.
I didn't want to tell him by text.
I never wanted my confession to turn out this way.
My feelings weren't exactly as strong for him- but i've kept it in for a year. More than that probably, and i was just tired of faking.
My fingers trembled when i tried to text back to him; i felt my heart pound against my chest and heard my own pulse through my pillow.
I told him. I told him that i liked him. Liked him once i got to know him, not by first site. I don't really beleive, love at first site, but i said it wasn't love at all. I didn't want to cling. Then i told him that if he wanted to be friends i was OK. I wouldn't weep like Ariana. Unless he was going to find me annoying after saying it. That was my true feeling. Will he reject me as a friend also? Then my phone vibrated.
'Several people at school told me you liked me. I guess you know who that is, but i didn't want to believe it intill i actaully heard it from you. Don't feel stupid about liking me.'
I paniced and was thankful he was kind. i wasn't expecting much, that was just a good enough reply. I wasn't rejected, or accepted. It was a conjecture.
I texted him back, thanking him, and told him how really dumb i felt. I later on that early morning I didn't get a reply back.
Today~!
At school Tanner wasn't different. He knew exactly what happened lastnight, it wasn't a dream. I could see it on his face that he knew now that i truly liked him. Then i could see his eyes focusing on my face. I was worried.
He was still my friend. He didn't say anything about me confessing. I didn't want to talk about it anyways, i was still afraid. He stilled treated me nicely, came to visit my desk and talked to me. I wasn't like Ariana.
Language arts class, I was asked once again by Edward who i liked. Then he asked Tanner when he came into the conversation. I was expecting him to say it was him. That I basically told him lastnight. No doubt about that.
'No. She said she liked nobody.'
I felt releived and guilty.
He was keeping it a secret, and well, no one else knew i confessed except the people who are reading this now and him.
I wonder if my confession was something to embrace, something to hold and think about- or was it a huge burden to him.
Am i a normal thought, or an annoying peeve to him.
I have my phone on right now.
Waiting for a new message.
 NinteyDegrees_South · Wed Dec 17, 2008 @ 05:06am · 2 Comments |
