Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

~*Hate it..

I hate it when people get upset.
I even hate it myself when I get upset. When you’re upset you kind of just lay there thinking – not thinking ; avoiding it, just doing entirely nothing but sulking.
Then there’s regret. The burden. Whatever you think there is.
And he’s upset and I feel upset, but just not as upset as him.
I don’t entirely understand the guilt he’s probably feeling right now to look her straight in the face and be shoved and told what he’s done. But even through it, I’m telling him to get over it like it’s no big deal. But it is?
I don’t have anything to say, but he surely does – but can’t exactly put it into words.
I don’t want to talk to him if he’s upset. Just in the state of thinking. I want to distract him from unpleasant thoughts but also I want to leave him alone so that he can cope.
I don’t want to suck up to him and act like some lovey-dovey chick because I think it’ll only make it worse.
I don’t want to have him pinned to a wall.
I’m actually self-conscious about my speech right now because he is in the most fragile of states.
He’s like an old stone ready to crack.
Why don’t I feel guilty? I should also feel at the worst but I’m not?
I want to kiss each individual finger and rest my lips upon his forehead, hoping that my breath will melt away each thought of wariness he has rambling in his head. For I only have a deep desire for him to function properly and get through tomorrow like nothing that happened today affected him.
If I could numb his brain and take away his memory then he could stand up tall with pride.
That my great worry of others mistreating him makes me angry. That if I could be there for him, I would never leave him alone – like an angry ghost haunting at his side.