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~*You know..?

I talked to Trevor forever on the phone.
I heard his lousy pick-up lines. his hate for Tanner, his hate for other people as well. How he called them "fags," and how i laughed constantly.
I'll be honest. I was being nice to him. The energy to be pissed off at him was too much. I was also trying to get him to go to Oregon with me, anyways.

Thing aboout Trevor, is that he somehow knows everything. He gossips like any other chick i would know.
'You know Kenny's a player now.. do you think that?'
Frankly I didn't really know. I knew a bit. Because alot of my friends told me lately that he 'hits on' every girl he see's. But that was Kenny. That's how he 'rolled,' apparently. Anyone who just realized this are slow.
i came to the conclusion that no one knew him as well as I did.
Unless he changed - and he has changed alot.
Yea. Apparently that's what the girls tell me.. but i don't know. I'm not focused on him.
Which was true. I didn't want to get into his pool of 'cocky-ness' and puddles of girls who obsessed over his muscles. That's who he was now.
'Focused on Tanner? You guys got a thing goin'? A BIG thing?'
I wanted to blabber, yes. This was a BIG thing. It was a HUGE secret. I don't like being the other girl, frankly. As much as i want Tanner, I find it stupid to wait til summer now. As he complains he wants to be with me. I say BS; break up with her now.
But Tanner lives on guilt. He is the first ever man to walk with the WORLD on his shoulders. That it's so much he has to lie. Which adds up to this MOUNTAIN OF GUILT. My job is to not blurt my mouth out like last time. Apparently the whole school knows Tanner and I kissed.
Who cares? I'm not guilty. ******** Valerie. If I were her, I would've said no to getting back with Tanner.
They're both dumb. So DUMB. Easy targets. They're oblivious and predictable. It makes me angry.
No. We don't ; he's with Val. I can't do anything.
Trevor just knew I was lying.
Beause he referred to when he came over with Tanner and I. That he was suffocating in the atmosphere of me and Tanner flirting.


Life feels great. Life seems simplier. As the more I have to wait for this 'summer,' to build on memories. I'm the second woman. I'm sickened.
this is kind of pulling me away from him now.
That this is making me want to summer just show up - but to also just spend summer by myself. Look for someone else.
But I knew if i turn back again ; i'll be coming back later to a bigger mess.