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~*Don't trust anyone, even yourself.
'Don't trust anyone, even yourself.'
She said in my head. I can call her Greed, but she likes to call herself Bree. Do you think i'm crazy? I think i am really crazy. I have like a freakin Bree person talking in my head. I am screwed. My head is thumping, i'm dazed and i can't get focused. I'm losing my mind. Maybe this is why i feel so different, it's because Greed came into my body.
Bree is someone, someone i will never be. She does the things i wouldn't do. She's beautiful, i'm just pretty. She doesn't love no boy, no girl. She's freaky, she is greedy. She made her first escape yesterday and i'm making sure she never comes back out. I think she's a loser. She thinks i'm a b***h.
Yea, i know. i'm crazy.
But yesterday's journal entry was strange, didn't make sense what-so-ever. But she was right. She got rid of Tiny T. Tanner Bodine. The one i liked. Bree totally convinced me. Today i was sitting in the car, my head was buzzing. Then Bree came to the door, i let her in. Stupid me. She told me how a good girl i've been to him, how nice, how stupid i acted around him. How i made it completely obvious, listened to him talk. She told me it was my turn. I didn't really know what she was talking about, but i didn't like how it was going. She told me she could help. She can grab him easily by force.
I want him to like me.
She tells me 'yes, yes, i know. Jeez. Is that all the crap you talk about?'
She says i type so happily in my journal. Explaining almost romantic scenes in my journal.
'If he plays with you so romantically, why hasn't he confessed?'
Bree. Bree. Bree. Bree was such a pest. Messing with my brain. But she was right, just totally right.
He looks at you so differently, stares at you when you're not looking. Why isn't he confessing to you? Four months Arriya.
She was right.
Today while i let Tanner copy my science notes i looked away to see what Kris was doing, and i saw Tanner look right up at me in the corner of my eyes. He stared at me from a distance. He wasn't himself. Didn't even talk the same. Didn't act the same.
i can change that.
No.
When she got rid of all the feelings for Tanner, she took my feelings for him, with her. She was me. I was her. It disgusted me, Tanner turned into those fake people.
I know.
She spitted at me.
I didn't change for him. The thing assured me, Samantha assured me. Everyone assured me. But instead of himself and a lovely confession-
You get a fake.
s**t.
I didn't give up on Tanner bodine. I just finally relized. i was even leaving to Thailand, why wait? I was going to leave him anyways. I tried and tried, i didn't get anything in return. Great, just simply great. Bree convinced me, she completely convinced me.
People also.
Ariana, Ariana. Hailey told me not to trust her anymore, never tell her anything. She said Ariana slipped her mouth, during science class. Hailey said Ariana was just angry how Tanner was around me she told people. Told two.
'She was being horrible.'
Hailey said.
It's OK, Ariana is just like that.
Bree was pissed off when Ariana said i enjoyed every minute i got with Tanner. A look i would never give to anyone showed on my face. Bree.
Ariana wants to get laid.
Bree would say in my head. I remember saying that myself. I was very attached to this greed. Bree was probably made from all the horrible thoughts i tried to push away. Divorce. Moving. Friends. Drama. Love. I crammed them together and pushed them in a corner. Creating so much stress, packing it with homework, schedules, came Bree. I didn't like anyone, i didn't like myself either. I disgusted my attitude, Bree's that is. She always pushed me out of my comfort zone.
Don't trust anyone, even youself Arriya.
I don't like Ariana.
I don't like Bree.
I got rid of all the lovely feelings for Tanner.
Ready to reject him at any moment.
What hurt the most, is that i even hated myself.
Bree told me she loved it.
 NinteyDegrees_South · Sat Sep 06, 2008 @ 02:39am · 1 Comments |
