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i am a good guy.. A normal good guy that had high dreams.. I always considered myself as a dreamer.. When i was young, i always felt important.. I had never had a very difficult life, even if i didnt grew up with my parents.. I was happy.. Life looked so wonderful.. Everything is good..

Then high school came, i saw the reality, i have experienced failure.. Unlike the failure in video games, there is no reset button, but there is certainly a continue button.. So i have gone and continued.. Even if i keep on failing due to my laziness, i still believed in myself cause i know i could do everything, anything i put my mind into! I know im that great.. Then, i met chie, and life became more wonderful, dreams are starting to take a form.. I wanted to be a boss, cause i dont want to work for someone else.. She was very supportive.. She was just simply there for me, and one thing that she did that really kept me going, that is she believes in me too.. So at least there are 3 human being in this world that believed in me..

College came and i lost chie for a while.. Losing her was not the end, but it opened me to the rest of the world.. I believed my potential just got bigger cause i have already experienced a lost, and experience is the best teacher.. It has toughened me up.. Plus, lady and faye is there to teach me that not everthing is a dream, this is real life.. They have hurt me in different ways, but they only did it because they care for me.. Im not shure if they believed in me, because my belief in myself decreased too.. Much like they have returned me to reality and set my feet firm on the ground.. But a part of me still dreams, dreaming that someday i will be happy again and be that important person i always wanted to be..

Then work came, i have finally let go of one of my dreams.. I thought i would be happy now.. No.. It was just the start of my downfall.. I became embittered and did not believed in love anymore.. That would be the start.. You know me, i am a happy go lucky guy, carefree spirit that is full of dreams.. If you would remove love in the equation, there is nothing to look forward to, everything would be colorless.. I have searched to return it, but im just a nobody.. Reality now sinks in.. Creeping into every vein in me.. Until i have accepted my fate, and that i would just need to wait, it would come, im still young.. All that and other bullshit.. Crap..

Then my work, though i really dont think that it is affected by my other problems, i mean, its a different problem by itself.. I really hate being unaapreciated, and being told what to do.. I always hate people telling others what they should do and what they shouldnt do.. I mean, if they wanted it done that way, why not try robots or just do it themselves.. I dont want to be contained.. If i feel im still effective, i know, i always feel im an innovator.. A person that can work well and would be an important person someday.. That is why i dont like to have a boss..

Now.. I feel so worthless.. I know that i am being told what to do because i need to do it, because what im doing is wrong.. I am nothing right now, a piece of trash.. I think if i go forward, it would lead me nowhere.. I would not become an important person.. I would not be part of history.. I am just simply nothing.. I have nobody to guide me.. Nobody but my relatives love me, and they dont count because they need to love me, we were born linked to one another, whatever happens, we are still families.. Darn, i hate this feeling.. Losing my inspirations, my source of happiness.. Dropping, falling to an endless abyss.. I need a reset button..

The resets i can think of now would be, try to get to my sister or a complete turn of lifestyle.. First option, sounds great, it really would be a start of a new life, it has a great potential rather than fixing what i have here.. Though, i have hated this option, i dont want to abandon my country, my friends.. The next option is farfetched, but it has always been in my mind, since i was young, i was a little boy.. I have always wanted to become a priest.. Maybe if i could not contribute to the society now, maybe that would change everything.. Though its really something way way out there.. But it would be a new life.. I just believe if nothing changes, nothing would happen.. I want to quit.. I want to start over.. I want to have somebody to help me.. Sometimes, like this time, i just want to stop, and give up.. It is because i am not believing in myself anymore, i think whatever i do, i would not achieve my dream, so whats the point in trying.. There is just no justification, no goal, nothing.. I have hit rock bottom..