doki doki beat dash!

• Artist: rainwolf70
• Description: mina miyazaki is an average high school student who thought she will gonna live a normal life.until one day, she met a handsome transfer student who treated her rudely on their first meeting. suddenly she found out that this guy is her crush's best friend!and what's more she's starting to fall for this guy!
• Date: 10/26/2010
• Tags: hikarashi capture

lesson one
its raining...
its like...
...the first time i saw him...

i remembered when i first went to school all by myself. many students had someone they can talk to while me... well as usual im standing on the background... alone...
well not until...
"mina-chan?"
waaa...i-its kagoshima tsukishiro-kun (blush)!
"mina i like you."
wh-what?, istood there mesmerized gazing to his eyes...(!!!!)he-he's coming near me!!! his face is too close... i-is he going to k-kiss me!!!! waaa!!! at last my dream is coming tr-....
RIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!
"stupid clock!!!"i said while turning off the alarm clock.
it was a dream after all. i wish it woud come true... well, whatever! i'd better prepare for school or i'll be dead late!

wow it's really a wonderful day, teehee, the cherry blossoms is falling beautifully...(!)
"morning mina-chan"
"m-morning tsukishiro-kun"
"are you going to school?"
"y-yeah" "me too, then shall we go together?"
kyaa!!! going to shool with tsukishro-kun,i-i wonder what topic we should talk about...
VROOM! VROOOM!
huh?(!)what the-!
"LOOK OUT!"
*pant*pant why?when i got the chance to be with tsukishiro-kun!

Comments

[Fantastic Nightmares]

I think... I think it needs more detail. You rushed the introduction, the hook, the plot, everything. I recommend you just go straight and draw the manga because like THIS, it's not working. Another thing, I swear I've read a manga with a similar plot. But, heck, there's a manga for everything, right?