-
As his ghostly pale reflection stared back upon him a single drop of shining rain fell from the heavens rippling outwards. His wispy black hair flew freely in the wind like a winding river, this moment that felt as an eternity at peace was broken by blood curdling screams that erupted from his village.
He quickly unsheathed his elegant blade that his father had made for him. Once he reached the village he saw towering flames erupting from the houses and the shadowed running freely. The beasts set fires and slayed many villagers. The stalkers of the night had never been defeated by humans. At that moment a Vampire ran towards him and their blades met with a sharp noise and he stared into its bright green eyes that like his sister. The two fought on like valiant heroes blades meeting at every point they danced around the battle field reading each others moves fluently finally the stalker slipped up and Jeff was ready He pierced its heart with his blade and the vampire stared deeply into his eyes and softly spoke "Frostbite."
Jeff let the body fall off of his blade and took the vampires sword but once he did it evaporated into nothing more than ashes. Then on his hand he saw a mark that was like a skull but with ice dangling from it. It was drawn in blood these final words left an ominous feeling in Jeff he could tell that this would not be over for a long time.
Just then he heard his father call for him and as he turned around he saw his father standing with a blood stained blade. One of the creatures appeared behind his father."Father watch out!" he pleaded and threw his blade which impaled the vampire in the forehead Jeff was now weaponless but fought on just then one snuck up behind his father again and this time without any warning slit his throat quickly and silently and it was as though he disappeared.
One quickly passing vampire bit him and drew blood from his neck and this pinch was followed by a frigid sensation that shot through his body. was this the end or just a new beginning....
- by xXThe-DefiedXx |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 12/17/2008 |
- Skip
![](https://graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/arena-images/ic_paper_corner_32x32.gif)
Comments (7 Comments)
- Zhelanie - 03/19/2009
-
it's really good, but i think it need more descriptions and paragraphs.
but i like it^^ - Report As Spam
- Iggy Blank - 03/17/2009
- Pretty good- needs more work when it comes to conjunctions/grammar- also you need to separate some of it into paragraphs. Looks like a wall of text. Also, details. Details, details. Descriptions are good to let your readers know the cosmetic appearance of things and stuff like that, but don't overdo it. One or two words per object is fine.
- Report As Spam
- XxInnocent-FearxX - 12/22/2008
- I love it soo very much!!! Tell me if its finised ok?! 3nodding
- Report As Spam
- Aliche13 - 12/18/2008
- I loved it! I can't wait until the next chapter. Please write it soon!
- Report As Spam
- Doctor_Gordon - 12/18/2008
- Coolz! Tat is interesting!
- Report As Spam
- if-i-was-your-Vampire13 - 12/18/2008
-
makeone wif me in it!
luv yah. its good. - Report As Spam
- Mischiefwulf - 12/17/2008
- its a good idea but its too dressed up. do you know what i mean?
- Report As Spam