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A Thought From The None Existent
This heart has finally lost its way. No longer to see my path I’m not sure if I’ll stay. I don’t know how I got here… Don’t know where I’ve been, all I can justly claim to know is that I’m lost from within. This heart has finally broke, to an extent where sewing just won’t work. I don’t think I understand it anymore, not pretending like I did. I lost my way, I’m trying to get back, but it’s hard to find something I have never had. These memories have lost its pain; these new ones are so haunting. I just want you here to tell me that I’m okay. Not knowing what tomorrow brings is a contemplation I will not think, for it will tear my heart apart, debating what to believe. This lifetime is exhausted; I think I’m almost done. So for all you who cared, thank you for your time. But now I think it’s time, you left me here to die. No matter how many times, I try to get back up; someone always pushes me back from where I fell. It’s only been a memory so long but forgotten, yet no matter how you put it, it will always make me who I am. So lay the flowers one last time and tell me your forgotten. Lost between the shadows, no longer knowing light. I’ve been hiding in the darkness too long to know what light looks like, so I’ve given up on finding it … I forgot what it was like. People always wondering what I am. Who I am. I am existing. I am the forgotten wanderer wandering as if I have a place to go. There are so many people I have hurt, and I’m not sure why I left them all behind. This disappearing agony is tearing me up inside. I don’t know why I’m like this. Meds can fix this pain. I’ve tried too many times. This pain isn’t real. I have become immune to this broken bleeding heart. I have tried... So many times, but it just doesn’t work. I think it’s because, you always tell me you’ll catch the fall, but so many times, you’ve let me collapse. I don’t know if I should trust you anymore, too hurt to wonder why. Sometimes I even wonder, if you’re worth these long hard cries. It’s been too many nights, I’ve said too many goodbyes, so I think today I can finally realize. Realize that it’s not the world that turned its back on me, but it was I who turned my back on the world. I understand the reason now, the reason why I want to leave this all behind. It’s because I’m afraid, afraid to lose what I never had. I’m sorry. Those words are the only things that mean much to me right now. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t lose it all for you. I’m sorry that I didn’t take sides in this battle that would never be won. I’m sorry. And that’s the only thing I really regret. Is being sorry. This tension is high, these feelings are low. Not sure where to go. I just remember one person, who really truly cared. And now that’s she’s gone, I’m not sure how to fair. So to whom ever digs my grave, please make it shallow, so that I can feel the rain. Make sure that I’m as alone as I feel. There will be no flowers lain, no prayers whispered, no butterflies let free. Because how could something that never existed, come to ever be?
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Community Member