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The Journal that was too cool for a title.
It's too cool for a title
New Poems. ^^






User Comments: [5] [add]
Xanderviceory
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commentCommented on: Thu Mar 09, 2006 @ 08:08am
eek Wow man... Very very nice *Applaudes*


commentCommented on: Thu Mar 09, 2006 @ 10:24am
The wording in the refrain of Angel Whore itched at me a little. Having it repeat twice only itched me more. Maybe if the first set was "Forever she'll play" and the second set "Forever she'll be"

Other then that I liked them, especialy the Romeo and Juliet.



Jupiters Romance
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Deadside Dreams
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commentCommented on: Thu Mar 09, 2006 @ 05:06pm
Angel Whore was written as a song. I usually don't change the choruses in my songs.


commentCommented on: Thu Mar 09, 2006 @ 06:57pm
Oh oh!! How smex.

Her Smoking Wings

-Beautiful imagery I liked that.
-The flow is unintuerrupted and that's a big plus
-The title angles toward something else though...I was thinking Burning Wings while I read it. But since it's not my poem. I luff it!!

Rome and Juliet Version 666

-The line, "So I desolate myself, not alone and afraid," seems off...Desolate is an adjective not a verb. But it's poetry so it can be used as such I guess.
-VERY perfect in the flowing from one stanza to the next. Good use of the whole rhyming thing.

Angel Whore

-Could tell it was a song.
-Liked it very much
-For some reason I found it insulting...but it didn't take away from the poetry it's self. I liked it alot and wouldn't change a thing.

Critiqued mon cher!



The Simi Knows Best
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Jupiters Romance
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commentCommented on: Thu Mar 09, 2006 @ 08:24pm
No, that's not what I mean dear. Yes I know it's a song. I mean the first line in each chorus would seem less redundant as "play" and have the second in each chorus as "be".


User Comments: [5] [add]
 
 
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