Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

~*Self question.

We were sitting at the back of the car. Gunner was driving, silent as always, my mother half asleep from drinking.
We held hands in silence, looking through our windows. But our hands clung to each other ; the way i squeezed tighter. I loved how he responded back. By just cutting the circulation through my fingers, this was so assuring. I loved it. To not have feeling in my fingers - i didn't want him to let go of it.
The way he traced a constant pattern on top of my hand with his thumb. Whenever i let go his hand followed the movements of mines.
I asked myself multiple questions as the car drove closer to his house.

Why did I stop?
I had him ; I still somewhat have him.
What stopped me from claiming what was mines?

I was so close to winning, but i stopped? No. I didn't forfeit.
No. I didn't quit. It was as if someone from the crowd told me to stop.
Told me that there was no trophy to win if i accomplished.

Told me it wouldn't be worth it. That I should take the easy way.
Who was that? Who told me those words. Who?



The person who left.
Oh. He also took the easy way out.
Oh.


Does it matter? No. It does not. I"m here. With him, taking it all in.
Forget him. He's bullshit.