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Encased in Thorns


Beautiful is the taste of remorse, painful is the light of happiness, sorrowful is the scene of goodbye, amazing is the gift of a blade, forgotten is the serenity of tears. Incredible how we as humans force ourselves into situations that, once thought through, would never come to pass. I wonder why the human mind doesn't flinch away from the fear of agony brought upon by relations to one another. I watch and listen as everyone falls into the black abyss around me, only to crawl out and be thrown back. Similar to a never ending game of poker. You can believe that you have the crown hand, but when the cards are all layed before you, you finaly realize that, truthfully, you have nothing. It makes me curious as you still sit there and play over and over, trying to get your crown jewels back, yet never succeeding. So I wander from table to table, always watching, but I won't play. No, not ever again. I learned my lesson when they took everything from me, and then they laughed. All I could do was carry my broken, bleeding, and lacerated heart from the table as acid tears befell my cheeks. "Never again would I gamble my heart to anyone", was all I could think. Yet, I watch as everyone gambles back and forth, lusting after their minds. I couldn't understand, how can they so easily gamble their heart, body, and well being away like that?

So I sit here, watching as people destroy their own lives for a maybe that could fall through. What if they lie to you, cheat you, break you, and then toss you aside? Why do they risk something that so easily changes? Men lie with words of love and protection; women lie with promises of devotion and trust. What has either side to offer one another, other than the thrill of being caged in thorns of heartache and agony? What could possibly be worth that pain?

Yes, I know. The possibility that you won't wind up alone and battered in the end is worth it. I know, but I don't think I could bring myself that far into a relationship without panicing and running. For in the end, I always wind up running away as fast as I can. I fear love, as it fears me. Pain is my friend, as well is sorrow, agony, despair, death, tears, and blood. Love? No, he is my worst enemy, for he has brought nothing but more of my friends. For that, alone, can I thank him.

So, will I always be alone, then? Maybe, for I see no other path before me. I'm to afraid to reach out for another's hand again. Why would I reach out when, for so long, no one has taken mine? Could you deal with that? Never being saved as you walked through a burning hell, alone and scared? I doubt you could, for not many can. And I care naught if you look at me with pitiful eyes, attempting to sympathize with me. I doubt you could ever understand the pain of my heart which is now encased in a cage of piercing thorns. I dare you to bring yourself to close. I dare you to put yourself in my place, always thirsting for revenge, always crying out in agony, never laughing from joy, never smiling from the heart, always masking yourself in shadows. Do you know my pain, or do you believe that you do? Neither loved or accepted, but always forgotten and left behind to struggle in a black abyss made of thorns and blood. I dare you, try and join me in my personal hell. Maybe, if you make it to me, I might let you in. If...your ready to be encased in thorns and agony for all eternity...