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Eh, I'm bored as hell.

It's almost three in the morning on Thanksgiving Day...
It's gonna be boring... Susan is off camping and Jess won't be home until later. I'll be alone in my room, going down occasionally to check on dinner. I spend every holiday in my room. I'm used to it now. But I have to cook, so I have to go down a little. I wish I could just stay up here. I like it up here. I can be alone and just write. Writing helps me feel better. Its one of the few things that do. I'd rather be with Susan and my friends. They help me the most. It's nice to be with people who actually care whether you live or die. I don't want to die, but I don't want to be a part of this. I dunno, it makes sense in my head...

Eh, today was okay... Sat in my room. Talked with Jess and Sus some. That was nice. I love talking to my friends, even if it is online. I love everychance I get to talk to Susan. I love her more than anything. As long as I can make her happy, I'm happy. I just wish I didn't have the depression problems. The meds don't work, so I don't take them. But then I'm still upset a lot of the time. At least it gives me stuff to write about. Eh, I like winter, but I like spring too, then I can start work on my garden again.

Not really looking forward to Christamas. I have to go to Aunt Pat's house for this stupid Christmas lunch thing she does. He whole family are hardcore Christians, and I can always feel them staring at me. I know they don't want me there. Mom says I have to go. I hate it. The food sucks and its just them talking. I can never think of anything to say and I doubt they would want to hear it.

I wish I could spend the holidays with Sus and my close friends. Not really doing anything. I enjoy it the most when we don't do anything; just sit around and talk. And I want to hold Susan. I feel so good when I hold her. Thats one time I can honestly say I'm happy, really really happy. Just feeling her arms around my neck and her in my arms, I love that. Or when I come up behind her and put my arms around her. Heh, her hair always smells good. I never want to let go.

Sometimes I wish I could fly. Just get out on my roof and fly away. I don't know if anyone else ever wants to do that. I don't know where I'd go. I just want to get away. I drew a new picture and I'm really proud of it. Its just a boy sitting on a rock listening to his headphones. He has purple hair. I used watercolors to make his wings. They look like fire.

Eh, I'm just rambling... No one cares about my little musings, but if you want to comment, go ahead. If anyone who reads this would just say hi, that would be nice.