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~*Chapter seven

Everyone is basically moving on with their lives, I was left to rot. Rodney continued with his education, he’s even getting better grades. He says if we’re having the baby he’s just going to have to work harder in school. Yes, we told our families. My dad remained calm but later on yelled when I left up stairs. Rodney’s family took it bit harder than me. Cloud is supporting me; she’s been putting me on a diet for the baby’s sake, while Rodney’s dad swore never to see my face. I absolutely hate it. I can’t go to school, and I all I do for the rest of my life is just lay around and get bigger and bigger.
I took my hand and pressed it against my stomach. It was rounder, no longer flat. My eyes focused on the ceiling. Why? Why am I having this baby? I hunched over my stomach and cried. “Why?” I asked myself. The answer was already known, I was having this baby because the way it lit up Rodney’s face, it was so happy I thought he would love me even more. But I’m hating myself.

~*~

“Good evening Annie.” Cloud said with her calm soothing voice. She knocked on my bedroom door again. “Annie?”
“Come in.” I groaned. She opened the door and she frowned. She closed the door behind her and sat next to me on my bed, stroking my hair.
“Oh, Annie, are you alright?”
“I’ve been throwing up, feeling dizzy, and hungry all the time. Why the ******** are you asking I’m alright?” her lips formed a straight line.
“Are you not happy?” I got up and faced her directly. The room was moving and I shut my eyes instantly. “Annie?” Cloud asked.
“No, s**t. The room is spinning again.” Her arms supported me, cradling me like a baby. I rested my head on Clouds shoulder and started to cry. “Of course I’m not happy! I don’t know what to do!” her arms wrapped around me tighter.
“Shh. It’s OK Annie, is it because of the baby?” I nodded.
“I’m young still, I don’t think I’ll be a good mother.” I pushed her away to face her. Her face was so calm. Her eyes staring hard at me. “I’m doing this because I think Rodney would love me even more. His face was so happy, but isn’t he concerned about me? I’m the one having the ******** baby!!” Cloud cradled my face.
“Rodney loves you so very much Annie. You’re lucky he didn’t throw you away like other young men do these days. Yes, you are young to even be a mother yet; I know very well how you’re dealing with this.” My eyes watered again. “Annie, if you don’t want the baby yet, tell Rodney before you can’t get an abortion at all.” She hugged me, her fragile body against mine.
“I can’t do that. He’s working so hard.”
“Annie, it’s your body.” She let go of me and got up. “The food is downstairs, I prepared quite a meal. Bye Annie.” She opened the door and walked out. I fell over on my bed, and curled my body. What was I going to do with my life? Live and have this baby with Rodney, take care of the baby while he goes outside to do all the things he wants to do? Or tell him I can’t do it, have the abortion and wait till we’re older? Rodney’s face flashed in my head.
“Dammit.” I stared at my hiking equipment and couldn’t remember when I’ve ever hiked. I was always with Rodney, forgetting my most favorite hobby. I miss climbing the big mountains, the deserted rocks the humid air. I got up and grabbed my equipment, and walked out the door. I reached for the door knob, but my dad stopped me.
“Where are you going Annie?” he asked. He was still in his uniform, his hand laid down on his gun on the table.
“Hiking dad, I miss it.” I smiled a little, he frowned.
“What happens if you fall? The baby might get hurt.”
“I couldn’t care less dad. It’s like a little tiny shrimp or something.” He frowned at me. “I’m thinking about it. Maybe I shouldn’t have it.” My dad choked a little, his voice a little eager.
“That’s up to you Ann, but you’re still young. You have a whole life ahead of you.” He smiled weakly. I opened the door and took a step near the street.
“Hey babe.” It was Rodney’s voice. He smiled at me. “Where are you going?” he nodded toward my equipment.
“Hiking gear, I want to hike. Climb a big rock.”
“Cloud told me—“
“Shut up Rodney. Seriously, that’s why I’m doing this. To think this through.” He walked towards me, and hugged me.
“If you don’t want this, it’s OK. It’s your body, not mines.” He kissed my forehead. I inhaled the candy-like cigarette smell. I gagged. He let go instantly. “Woah, Ann, are you OK babe?”
“I’m OK, it’s the smell of cigarettes.” He held my hand.
“I love you Ann.” He whispered. I let go of his hand.
“Love you too.” Then I crossed the street, not looking back.

~*~

I put on my gear. Rapping the ropes here and there, put on my helmet, made sure everything was all set and ready to go. It wasn’t literally hiking, but just climbing big rocks. I grabbed a rock and pulled myself upwards, my foot stepped on another rock. This was easy, I climbed this rock before. As I got higher and higher I thought deeply. If I didn’t want the baby, I would be killing a living thing in me. My brain is telling me to do that, but my heart yearns for Rodney’s love and says to keep it. I looked up; I was almost at the top. I dug my hand between a crack, and propelled myself up and caught myself again. That was it; I’m not having the baby. Rodney said it’s OK, that it’s my body. Cloud said the same thing to, I was lucky. Rodney still loves me; he didn’t throw me away when I said I was pregnant. My fingers felt the edge of the rock, and I pulled myself up, and then fell flat on the rock. My body was surely in bad shape. I turned on my back and stared at the sky. The sun setting, and it was breathtaking. The sky turned lavender, the clouds clearing away. The air was fresh. This was truly heaven and it was breathtaking. Beautiful. I got up and stretched out my arms, wishing wings would spring out and I’d fly to heaven. I felt nothing but the hot air burning against my tan skin, my breath slowing. I heard the leaves brush gently together, then my own beating heart. It was complete solitude. The earth was finally still.

~*~

I got back home and saw dad was watching baseball on T.V. he screamed, “YES!” then, “DAMMIT!” I walked over the couch and sat next to him.
“Hey Annie. How was it?”
“It was actually really good.” He smiled satisfied. The phone rang and I got up to answer it. “Hello?” it was an unfamiliar voice.
“Hello Annie, this is Rodney’s father speaking.” I froze.
“YES!!” My dad screamed.
“Oh, Hi.” I replied nervously.
“Yes, it’s nice to hear your voice,” he lied. “My name is Brian.” I was about to tell him about the baby, it would be nice to hear something happy from him but I heard little whimpers in the background.
“Brian.” I repeated.
“Don’t tell her now honey.” I heard Cloud say in the background.
“Yes, I just want to tell you something. It’s about Rodney.” His voice choked a little. My body stiffened.
“What happened to him!” I hissed.
“GIVE ME A BREAK!” My dad yelled at the T.V.
“This might be hard for everyone, but harder for you since he’s your boyfriend.” I heard my heart pound. “He’s gone Annie.” I almost dropped the phone.
“Gone? Where?!”
“Heaven.” He replied. Then I heard a cry. I dropped the phone. I stared at the wall. I hung up.
“Who was that?” my dad asked not taking his eyes off the T.V.
“Wrong number.” My voice shook. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks.