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~*Chapter six

Chapter six
I woke up and the first thing I saw was Rodney’s sleeping face. Rodney’s eyes fluttered, and then refocused on me. He gave me a smile. “Good morning.” He whispered. I hugged him closer to me, our nose touching.
“Good morning.” I replied. Last night went so fast, it was blur, but I could still feel the heat. I was truly in love with Rodney; my heart was now forever his. The warmness finally went away once Rodney got up.

~*~

Winter break never ended. Rodney went to school so his parents wouldn’t worry, but I quit. I’m not sure how I would make a living, but I just thought I wouldn’t be living for long. Even with Rodney around I still felt like something bad was going to happen.
I was in the grocery store in the feminine products aisle. I walked down the aisle and froze. Why was I getting pads? Well because I needed them, but I didn’t get that weird feeling when you start your menstrual cycle. I dropped my basket and searched for a restroom, when I saw it I rushed in a stall and pulled down my pants. I stared at my pad but there was nothing. Absolute nothing, it was clean. I pulled up my pants and took a deep breath. “It’s cool.” I muttered. It’s cool, right? I thought. Many girls period could be a day late, its natural right? I’ll just see if it happens tomorrow and if not, the next day and the day after that, and maybe if it never happens, then—then, what? I knew the answer in my head, but I didn’t want it to go through in till I actually knew what happened.
I went home and woke up the next morning. Nothing. It was clean again. The next day there was nothing either. I was freaking out, I just couldn’t breathe right. I was more hungry than usual, and even my dad noticed. “Are you doing OK, Annie? You’re sure eating a lot lately.” I looked up and saw my plate empty before his.
“Uh, maybe my growth spurt?” idiot. So I made the move to go to the grocery store and buy one of those, well, those—uh, prego sticks. How the ******** am I suppose to know what it’s called? I shouldn’t even be thinking about this option. I went to the cashier to buy that freak’in item; I even got three to make sure. The woman looked at me when she ringed the items.
“How old are you honey?” she stared at me.
“Old enough to buy crap, can I pay or are you going to just stand there?” she shook her head, and I handed her the money. I walked home, because I didn’t have a car, and tried to rush to the bathroom as fast as possible.
“Annie?” my dad called me. I stopped. s**t.
“Oh, hey dad, you’re home early?” he ignored me and pointed at the bag I was holding.
“What did’ya buy?” I gripped the plastic bag tighter.
“Nothing.” My dad raised an eyebrow. Come on Annie, think of something! “Jeez dad, seriously, all I have in this bag are tampons.” I added a groan.
“Oh.” My dad jumped up and faced the T.V. his face turning red. “Well, never mind. Just making sure you’re not carrying drugs.” I sighed but smiled a little. He was improving, he hasn’t been drinking for awhile, and he was making an effort.
“Thanks dad.” I said. I turned and walked to the bathroom. I held the box close to my eyes and read the instructions. OK, I got this; you pee on the stick. Simple, and then minus sign meant you’re not prego—I meant pregnant, and the plus sign meant you are. I prayed to Buddha and God that I wasn’t pregnant.

~*~

“Oh. My. God.” I whispered to myself. That evil plus sign appeared on my last prego stick, did God not have mercy on my soul? Was Buddha going to turn me into a fly in my next life for breaking the rules? Will I not go to heaven for this? My body shook. “How did this happen? When—?”
“Knock knock.” Rodney!
“How did you get in my house?”
“Your dad let me in when he was leaving for work. Is everything alright in there Ann?” I shook my head.
“Come in now!” he opened the door and saw me kneeling down on the ground. His eyes stared at my hands.
“What are you --?” then his lips made a silent oh.
“I think I know what happened Rodney. Well, um, last time I told you, or forced you into having sex with me that night, we were unprepared. It just came up in my head just now, that you didn’t use a condom.” I rushed everything out, but Rodney just stared at me. His face seemed frightened, it read, ‘what the ******** did I do?’ “s**t. Rodney, please stop staring at me.” he didn’t. That’s when I started to cry. He didn’t want me anymore because I had a baby inside me; I was useless, I was going to be fat and just completely useless. A burden I was to him. He knelt down beside me and hugged me, I tried pushing him away but my emotion got the best of me. I buried my face in his shirt.
“Shh, it’s OK Ann.” He hugged me tighter.
“OK? OK?!” I pushed him away. “Do you have any idea what’s happening to me? I’m pregnant Rodney, with your baby!” his face shuddered. “I’m sorry—“
“Is that a problem Ann?” he whispered.
“That’s not what I meant. I love you Rodney, more than anything. It’s just—“
“Just what?” his voice got sharper.
“It’s just that I’m young Rodney, I don’t want anyone to find out. I don’t have the money for abortion, no money at all to take care of the baby either.” There were a lot of bad things with having a baby at seventeen.
“I have enough money, my parents do, I can pay for the abortion if you want that.” His voice was gentle. I touched my stomach. It was hard, a little roundness just starting. I felt so much pity for the baby, and anger at myself. I touched his hand.
“I don’t know Rodney. Killing a living thing inside me just doesn’t seem right.” I looked at his face, and he smiled at me.
“Alright, we’ll keep the baby then.”
“Rodney!” I hissed. “You’re an idiot, a ******** idiot; my dad is going to find out. I’m going to give birth to this baby when it gets big enough. Why are you so careless?” he then carried me up and kissed me.
“Let’s just run away, OK babe? Far away, far, far—“ the word far crept into a whisper.
“Where Rodney, we’re not going to live a great life, we’re broke.”
“I’ll take some of my parent’s money, I’ll find a way. All you do is take care of yourself.” I bit my lower lip. He just didn’t get, everything for him was running away.
“OK then. If you think you can do it, just tell me when and where. Alright?” he nodded and kissed my forehead. Then he walked off. It was just one huge sin, and it’ll take a lot of good things to get rid of it. I was never going to heaven I was now going to hell.