After his near death experence, jesus is laying on the ground stairing at the big blue sky. Bubba Budda was nearby, playing in the water while the Holy Moldy Taco was running in and out of the forest, trying to scare God.
God, being the sophisticated and mature deity that he is, grew tired of the Holy Moldy Taco's attempts at being cool, and struck him down with a powerful bolt of lightning that shook the forest. The Holy Moldy Taco's hard shell smouldered. He was now a cooked Holy Moldy Taco. He proceded to run around in circle shouting bloody murder.
Jesus couldn't stop laughing. Either could God.
Bubba Budda said, "Idiots..." and walked off into the forest. To do what? We can't tell, he made us swear to secrecy.
Jesus soon grew tired of laughing at nothing and started to make stupid gurgling noises. All of a sudden, Jesus suddenly saw his little fuzzy from the second day of creation. "FUZZY!" Jesus shouted, and he jumped up and started to run after it.
"No I will not have sex with you!" Came a shout from the forest.
Jesus continued to run after the fuzzy. But, the fuzzy was very determined not to get caught by Jesus, and proceded to float away as fast as a fuzzy could. In doing so, the fuzzy landed in God's Divine eye. Sorry luck for the fuzzy, since it was now in grabbing range for the easily amused Jesus.
"FUZZY!" Jesus screamed once more, before he plowed his finger into God's eye.
"What the hell?!" God yelled in a booming godly voice.
"Again with that word!" Jesus said as he ran away from the now angry God Blinded in his right eye, by Jesus' curious finger, God had a hard time running after Jesus, and only succeded in stumbling after him like a drunk hobo.
We all know that when you get poked in the eye, suddenly you see a blinding light in your eye and are temporarly blinded. Well, God saw that same bright light and suddenly stopped running after the freakly screaming Jesus. "Wait a tick! My awesome vacation spot doesn't have a sun!
So thus God created the sun. Satisfied with his work, God relaxed against a tree and watched his creation move back and forth across the sky. After several days, he grew bored of watching the sun and suddenly noticed he hadn't trimmed his toenails in a while and they were starting to grow a forest of their own, complete with micro-organisms. Disgusted, God quickly chopped off all of his toenails. In his flury of toenail chopping, a few toenails drifted away and into outerspace. God saw this, and created the moon.
At the end of that day Bubba Budda came struting out of the forest with a huge grin on his face.
Again, we swore to secrecy.
Thus the Sun and the Moon were formed the 4th day
Day 5
After God had finished making Earth by cleaning out his Divine Holy nose, and created the Sun and the Moon, He noticed that Earth was blank. The sky was blank as was the land and the water.
He was pondering very intently on what he should put in the vast emptyness. Because he pondered so hard his Divine brain began to hurt. So he decided to take a break and head to his vacation spot with Jesus and his friends.
When they got there Jesus immediately ran over to a tree and started a one sided conversation with it. Bubba Budda rolled his eyes and started to run around in the field. Jesus, being very easily ammused, started to chase after him, laughing and giggling.
Soon Jesus grew bored of the skipping about and found a stick shaped like a boomerang. "Look dad! A stick!" God rolled his eyes and continued to watch the clouds. Jesus continued to carry on about his new found stick. Bubba Budda continued to skip and frolick about in the field. Jesus suddenly thought it would be funny to chuck it at poor unsuspecting Bubba Budda's head.
The stick sailed past Bubba Budda's head and hit God in the eye. "What the hell?!" God roared.
"Again with that damn word!" Jesus cried back. God b***h slapped Jesus and he went flying into the sea. Bubba Budda pointed...and laughed.
After Jesus dried himself off, he and Bubba Budda started playing again. "Dude...Jesus, I've got a weggie..."
Jesus covered his ears and shouted in Bubba Budda's face, "Not another dirty word! I can't handle it!"
Bubba Budda yanked Jesus's hands away from his ears and shouted, "Weggie is not a dirty word! I've got a weggie in my butt, and i want you to get it out for me!" Jesus started to laugh uncontrollably, and he did what Bubba Budda asked him to do. God sighed and rolled his eyes as he looked the other way. While He was looking the other way, he suddenly noticed the air was empty. Then he saw another stick fly through the air. Behind him, the boys laughed and threw more sticks at each other.
God caught one of the sticks flying past him and then turns it into what we know as today, a bird. After God created the bird, Jesus and Bubba Budda came skipping over to see what was going on.
Jesus took one look at the 'bird' and then looks at his father, questionably and askes, "You're going to put flying sticks in the sky? Why would you do that?"
God ignored the stupid question and turned to Bubba Budda, "Well," He says, "What do you think?"
Bubba Budda, not being able to see because of Jesus' fat a**, pushes Jesus out of the way. Taking just one glance at the 'bird' Bubba Budda falls over laughing uncontrolably. Jesus and God exchange puzzled expressions. "What's so funny?" God and Jesus ask.
After about 10 minutes Bubba Budda finally controlled his laughter. He tried to et up but was too weak from laughing so hard that he falls on his face. He managed to roll over and gaspingly says "It looks like a p***s with over grown pube hair that has matted together!"
He decied to take a break because Jesus and Bubba Budda were very dirty and needed a bath. Bubba Budda and Jesus, skipped home holding hands and carring a jar full of butterflies.
Bubba Budda took his bath first because Jesus likes to piddlefart around in the bathroom. After about 10 minutes, it was Jesus' turn to take a bath. God placed Jesus in the tub and left.
A smirk crawls across Jesus' face. He played for a while and then realized he had to use the restroom. Instead of making the twenty odd steps to the toilet he decides to use the tub. While he played with his rubber duck, which he nammed Cucumber, he noticed the turd would move as if it was 'stalking' the duck.
Jesus lost all interest in the duck and shifted his short attention span to the swimming turd. He started to splash around and see what the turd could do. he got the idea to make a whirlpool.
God was in His room working on his latest book when he heard all this raucous and went to see what Jesus was doing. He opened the door and saw what his son was doing.
He saw the turd swirling around and got reminded that Earth's waters was empty.
So he decided to fill them with swimming turds that had fins. He gave some teeth so they can eat all the s**t they want.
And so the birds and the fish were formed on day 5
Day 6
"Jesus,...you're an a*****e." Bubba Budda said glaring at him.
"I am not! I didn't cheat, see?!" Jesus pointed to the red target on the floor. The area around it was littered with plastic circles.
"I didn't say you cheated, I called you an a*****e. You can't cheat at tiddly winks!" Bubba Budda rolled his eyes when Jesus stuck two large green tiddly winks in his eyes.
"I can too! I've got mind powers of awesomness!" Jesus shouted in Bubba Budda's face.
Bubba Budda flicked a tiddle wink at the red target. "Why do I hang out with you?" But Jesus couldn't hear him because he was walking around with tiddly winks in his eyes. Bubba Budda rolled his eyes "You're an idiot."
By this time Jesus had already wandered into the next room and when he heard Bubba Budda insult him, he came running into the room. But since he had two tiddly winks in his eyes, he couldn't see the doorway and succeded in knocking himself unconscious.
After several hours passed, Bubba Budda grew bored and started to poke Jesus with the huge Divine Broomstick. Jesus instantly jolted awake. "...Get off my man pickle!" Jesus screamed as he woke up. It was a left over from the dream he was having.
"What the hell?!" Bubba Budda said, frightened by Jesus' sudden outburst.
"Again with that word!" Jesus threw the two tiddly winks at Bubba Budda, but they just bounced off his tummy and clinked to the floor.
Bubba Budda looked down at the ineffective tiddly wink attack, then looked back up to Jesus, "Stop that." Jesus looked down at the floor like he was ashamed. Then went back to the tiddly wink area and started to play again, totally forgeting about what was going on. Bubba Budda rolled his eyes and went over to finish the game of tiddly winks.
A while later Bubba Budda leaned back and sighed. Jesus continued to flick tiddly winks. "You know? We should have something to bet with, just to make this game more fun." Jesus nodded and looked around for something to put up as a bet. He grabbed an old corroded battery and put it on the floor between them. Bubba Budda picked it up and threw it at Jesus' head, it bounced off without Jesus' knowing. "No, we need something that we both want."
Jesus thought for a moment. "But nothing I have, you want." Jesus racked his brain for an answer to their solution. But soon afterward his brain started to hurt, and he zoned out while stairing at a fly. Bubba Budda threw the battery at him again. Jesus jolted into reality. "WHAT?!"
"Go ask your dad for help, Idiot." Bubba Budda said as he rolled his eyes. Jesus got up and skipped into his father's study. He came skipping back with his dad walking at his heels.
God rolled his eyes when he saw the game they were playing. "What do you want?" He asked the two. Jesus ran over to the window and started to wave at nothing.
Bubba Budda stood up and explained the situation to God, "We want to use something to bet with for our game. But we don't have anything to bet with. We...me....were wondering if you could make us somthing to use."
God thought for a Divine moment and then looked down at the increadbly tiny Bubba Budda. "What did you have in mind, O' fat short one?"
Bubba Budda thought for a while and then grinned. "Well...I have been lonely lately. And I have heard about those fabled hoes...." God roared with Divine laughter.
God walked into his study and brought out his Divine Man Blowup Doll. This, he shrunk to the size of Bubba Budda. And then he poked it. It instatly jumped to life and started to talk. It was extreamly annoying. It started running around in circles, and yes...he was butt naked. Jesus thought this was entertaining, so he started to run around in circles as well, shouting his head off. The man stopped and looked up at God and told him he was lonely as well. God got tired of his shreaking and made him a partner, this time out of a Divine Female Blowup Doll. The woman's voice was just as annoying as the man's. God grew tired of their shouts and sent them flying toward his vacation spot, Earth.
"Now are you happy?! My vacation spot is ruined thanks to you!" God yelled at Bubba Budda. Bubba Budda grinned happily and went back to playing with his tiddly winks. Now he could visit Earth anytime he wanted to and get his mojo on.
Jesus continued to run around in circles like a madman.
Thus Man was created on the 6th day.
Day 7
"Damn it all..." God said as he took his last walk on Earth, for it had been infested with humans for Jesus and Bubba Budda.
Jesus and Bubba Budda were off playing in the distance, when they noticed God didn't have his usual burdened face. They skipped over to him, arm in arm. Jesus looked up at his father and asked, "So..ermm...Dad. What do you plan to make today for our entertainment?"
God looked down at his son, "Nothing today, my son. Today is my day to rest!!" God stretched and layed upon the lawn. He fussed as he tried to find a comfortable spot to lay. Jesus and Bubba Budda looked at him dumbfounded. After a few moments of silence, Bubba Budda pipped up, "Well, um..., if we're not going to make anything today...then what are we going to do?"
God just looked at Bubba Budda and smiled. Jesus was greatly confused by God's peculiar actions, so he skipped off to play with some butterflies. God ignored what Jesus was doing and slowly pulled something from behind his back. Bubba Budda was intrigued and wanted to find out what was in the bag so he stuck around.
God slowly unwrapped the bag and pulled out a small Ziploc bag that appeared as if it was full of green paprika. He opens the bag and pulls out some thin sheets of paper and placed a small amount of green paprika in it, then rolled it up and lit it.
All the sudden Satan appeared scaring the s**t out of Jesus, literally. God sent him off to play in the forest so people wouldn't ask questions. After God was done taking care of his son he came back to see that Satan had rolled himself and Bubba Budda a joint. God sat down and picked up his joint, as soon as he did this Satan started to sing. "Roll, Roll, Roll a joint, twist it at the ends. Light it up and take a poof then pass it to your friends!!" God roared with laughter and told Satan to teach him the song. After a mere 8 hours God and Bubba Budda had learned the song. So as the sun was setting, all three of them sat in a circle, sang their song, and got stoned.
This day is now recognized as 4/20 (a.k.a. National Pot Smoking Day) and is kept holy.
~~~~~~~~~
Again sorry, that was terriably long. sweatdrop
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