Last Breath

• Artist: KaLo WoLf
• Description:
• Date: 02/02/2009
• Tags: last breath

it lay there
panting for breath
getting closer and closer
to its death
its little head wiggleing about
it seemed like it wanted to shout
the little baby bird laying in my hands
dreaming of far off lands
the little baby bird was about to die
and all i could do was comfort it and cry
and then it let out a sighlent sigh
i whispered to it my goodbye
i hope it flying now
where it should be in the sky

Comments

[omnomNOM de Plume]

I can tell this is a very emotional poem. I think you would be better able to convey that emotion if you varied your sentence structure and talked more about how little the bird had experienced in LIFE. Maybe talk about how it had only ever know the egg and the nest, and would never fly. This poem has a lot of potential, you just need to keep working at it.