Dreamscape

• Artist: Moon Over the Hill
• Description:
• Date: 07/28/2008
• Tags: darkpoetry

Lie down and curl up shivering
Purple beauty desert spans
A long and lonely rise
Where creeping shadows cool me
Beyond endurance of imagination
Night creatures, sated beliies full
Indolent and slow, crawl off to sleep
A phantasmal black parade
Past a stunted grove slowly swaying
In the first boiling breath of dawn
Like an automaton marching
With sweat burned eyes
Mystic caravan tracks true
Leading to a cobalt splendor
Where the sea and ocean mate
Spinning cool in a world corrupt
Ancient halo circle frowns
Head dimming within the foam
Short-lived hypnotic blessing
To the blasted and the damned

Comments

[II Eternal Sorrow II]

Awesome! it sounds good but you need more commas and periods in it.

[Atheistic Acorn]

It's good, however you missed periods and commas.

[dorareever]

Well done. Maybe you shouldn't use so many "difficult" words, they tend to become stale when you use them too much, like you just got hold of a thesaurus.

For me it would deserve 3 stars and a half, but I can't do it, so it's 4 for you smile

[Hisagi Kyoko]

Amazing; I love the imagery. Some of it is like random words put together, but when you look at the whole thing together, it's amazing. I love how you mixed both simple and complex vocabulary and sentence structure. Very nice!