• Topher


    Ha, alone again with this stupid ball, this old dirty mix of light and dark blues of a ball. I wonder what we will come up with this time. What new game will I create to pass time and life by. I wonder how stupid I look in the yard by myself talking, laughing, ha no one understands me. I have a brother and a sister, how am I alone, again. Well sort of alone. I still have my nameless friends, but it’s hard to talk to air without people wondering if I’m all right. Maybe I’ll go in the woods on one of my medieval adventures. I’ll charge in with a stick in one hand and a top of a trashcan in the other. I would slay invisible dragons and hit people hat aren’t there. I lose my sense of reality. Just hitting tree after tree till finally life hits me in the face and I remember how stupid and alone I am. Yeah my “friends” are around me, but they lack the ability to hold and comfort me. I will eventually wonder my way out of the forest of demons and vile creatures and back into this dull vast land known as an empty backyard. I soon find myself back to the ball that started this damn day. I’ll throw it up, meaning to catch, but will let it fall to the ground and bounce once or twice. I’ll kick it; throw it at a tree, over the house. I’ll always find it sitting there. I guess you can say this stupid ball is my only friend that is “real.” I mean its always there for me and it makes me sort of happy. Well I guess I’ll wonder these thoughts later. I got to go in for dinner. See you tomorrow my friends that aren’t there. Damn no one understands me. Maybe I’ll write life down. That might provide some map to my life.



    In his room
    Ha, look at this twelve-year-old boy
    With his short brown hair
    And his lost blue eyes.
    Look at him alone
    In a corner, no one there.
    Why is he talking?
    What is he talking to?
    Its just air, a blank dull wall.
    The room is empty
    No ones even close
    He laughs, but no joke was told
    He smiles, he’s happy
    Wait what’s this?
    A tall shadow of a figure
    It points, it mocks
    It yells that the boy is crazy
    The boys’ eyes are no longer lost
    But found in sorrow.
    No more laughter
    No more happiness
    The boy is more alone
    Than before.

    Why

    They laugh, they mock
    Why are they pointing?
    What did I do?
    I didn’t do anything to you.
    Why do I deserve this?
    I didn’t hurt you.
    I didn’t mock you.
    I didn’t make fun of you.
    So why are you doing this?
    Is it my size?
    What about him?
    Why only me?
    Why do you hate?
    Why not love?
    Can’t we be friends?
    Please stop
    I didn’t do anything to you.

    Hatred

    I hate this school
    I hate its people
    I hate myself.
    Every night that goes by
    I question, should I be alive?
    No one likes me
    No one cares for me.
    I have so many scars
    That runs up and down these arms
    Scars that go deep
    So deep I can’t even see them
    I cut
    I choke
    I try to hang
    But I can’t go through
    I even fail at this
    Why do I live?
    What’s the point?

    14

    he’s 14, my slave at last.
    Take out the trash
    Mow the lawn
    Clear the table
    No please, no thanks
    Just do it
    Why?
    Because I’m bigger and better.
    Don’t question me
    I’m always right.
    Not just with you
    But with the world.
    Don’t like it, get out
    Leave, no one cares
    There’s the door
    There’s the road
    That’s what I thought
    Now go find a job!

    Get a job

    Damn your 14, go get a job
    “I can’t no one hires till 16.”
    Christ, what bull s**t!
    Damn your 15, go get a job.
    “Once again no one hires till 16”
    I don’t care, mow some lawns
    Don’t be a kid, grow up
    Damn your 16, go get a job
    “I will in the summer”
    No, now
    “What about school?”
    You can work after
    “What about rides?”
    You can walk or get one.
    “What about bowling?”
    I don’t care get a job.

    No control

    You can’t control me
    I fear you no longer
    I will wear what I want
    Keep my hair long
    I will talk back
    Defend my ideas
    I will pursue my dreams
    Not yours
    I will be my own person
    I’m out of control
    Try all you want
    I won’t stop
    I will be different
    I will look weird
    I will act weird
    Why you ask?
    Because that’s me
    That’s who I AM.

    New friends, new life

    I’m done with you
    You make me fell like s**t
    You guys don’t understand me
    I’m sorry, I found new friends
    They understand me
    They understand my problems
    They know how to help
    They comfort me
    And I’m myself around them
    They show me love
    And that hey care
    You may hate them
    Think they are weird
    But I don’t care
    Kiss my a**
    I’m just saying
    Good-bye

    Who am I

    Am I an emo
    I used to be an athlete
    Am I an average joe
    Or am I unique
    Are my problems
    Even that bad
    Or are they worse
    Than I thought
    Am I an angry person?
    Or am I happy
    Who am I?
    Do I even mater?
    Do I even make a difference?
    Am I a rebel?
    Or do I just
    Go with the flow
    Do I have a soul?
    Or am I just particles
    Assembled together
    Who am I?
    At least for now
    I know I’m me