• It was not my fault that it happened. The words of hate still swim through my head as I sit in the bright, white Hospital room. Waiting. Just to see if I’d killed him. The relatives wanted answers that I could not give them. Some questions didn’t bother me. Like, “How are you holding up?”. Others did: “Why were you in the street!?” But the one that takes the cake was from his mother. Every time I went to their den, she snarled at me, as if we were coyotes and I was stealing her food. She always had that certain attitude towards me. She asked me a question that I still ask myself: “What even made you so special that he’d risked his well being for you?”.
    I don’t know anymore. I thought I was the world. But it seems now that if I could do this much damage to the one I love, then how could I even be good? The guilt sits on my heart like a fat chicken on a small, malnourished egg. Always there, but not yet breaking through.
    It was supposed to be me. He didn’t have to get hurt. An image lashes through my mind. I gasp in a way that you wonder if what you see is reality. I see us.
    “I hate you!” Jason said. “I never want to see your face again,”.
    “Ha! And yours is so pretty,” I said with as much sarcasm in my voice as I had in my entire body. “You think you’re so perfect, well here’s a newsflash: no one is and it’s not a sin to show some emotion every now and then! You can’t control everything!”
    What were we arguing about? …The lies went on and on. We screamed, and we lied, then we stomped and we screamed. For what? To hurt each other more than we’d already been hurt by the other person. We’d forgotten that despite how much we hurt each other then, we would always fill each others’ days with joy, and love for each other forever.
    “I can if I want to! If I try hard enough I can be perfect,” Jason looked into my eyes and said. I looked into his, and the deep brown moons seemed to penetrate through my soul.
    I wanted to tell him that he was already perfect in my world. That ‘normal’ perfect was too good for him, and supreme perfection was the only word to describe someone as great as he was. I wanted to say that, but revenge was all my ego seeked.
    “You’ll never be perfect. Some people just die. Some slip ups you just can’t fix!” I shouted.
    “I’m not just a slip up. How could I have ever fallen in love with you. Ha, yeah that’s it you’re an insignificant fall that I took on the coarse of my life. A stupid, crappy mistake. Get of my house!” he said brusquely. A droplet of a sodium tasting liquid crawled its way down the flesh beneath my eyes.
    I wanted to cry my eyes out and I had a strong feeling that he did too.
    “Fine. So be it then!” I said. I wouldn’t take the hurt anymore. I walked outside then, into the cold night. The streets were completely desolated as an eerie wind hissed by. He watched me leave from his open door. I crossed the street and I looked back at him. He was rushing towards me. I heard it now, the screech of the car from hell.
    I was pushed by Jason and so… CRASH! … I fell onto the ground. The force let the ground smash my arm in. As the rippling pain jeered up my nerves I screamed in agony. Jason dodged the car and the black sedan was in front of us. Jason stood in the middle of the street in shock. My arm was hurting. I looked away from the red liquid surrounding it. I ignored the pain just to peer up and look in the eye of what I’d done. The car backed up in the most vile way. I could tell he had tried to run but slipped on some trash. He did not automatically plummet to the cemented earth as a person just falling a few feet. A force seemingly larger than gravity took action on Jason’s body as it flew through the sky still pulsing with life until… BASH! I flinched, but I was still alive.
    I stopped that thought. Me and Jason were the only people around. I didn‘t get hit so he did. If he hadn’t intervened with my fate then he wouldn’t be in the surgery room falling into a possible coma, and I would not be waiting here. He thought he was saving me, but he only made it worst. He didn’t know that I loved him more than everything and I just couldn’t bear the pain of living without half of myself. If I could, I would redo everything that happened that evening. I’d start with the words, “I love you!”. I’d say it over and over again because I would then know what could have happened. But there is no way for me to go back in time and fix this horrible mistake. I'm too late… So he's a slip, and I'm a fall.