• Diminishing Light


    Death reminds me of a falling star, a light, and one out of millions that lights up for a brief second only to disappear into the endless night forever. I want to be able to shine so bright that even the sun will be ashamed to rise.

    ~xxx~


    My long blond hair whipped around my face as I stood there in front of you. Tears staining my face, my clenched fists shaking as you just stared at me with that blank expression.
    “Look I know you thought you could change me but it ain’t happening so just give up...I am sick of pretending for you. This is it we are over.” He turned and left, never looking back, not even making sure that I was okay. Collapsing into a heap on the dirt road a broke from my throat. Get over it and get up. I tried to force myself...I was being harsh on myself, was it even me who was telling me this I can’t tell anymore. GET THE ******** UP! Is this me? Am I saying this to myself? How can I just forget him, he was my everything, the only thing keeping me happy. Now he is gone and now maybe I am gone.

    ~xxx~


    “LUCY! Where the ******** are you b***h? Where is my dinner?” Looking up and falling out of my little trance I stared at the food in front of me.
    “Damn I burnt it...” I whispered, hoping my father wouldn’t hear.
    “Lucy...hurry up ya father is hungry and I got work...I’m leavin now.” My mum appeared behind me and looked at the food. “Did ya burn it? What you think this food was free that money just grows on trees? Little b***h now he has to wait again...” She wasn’t happy; the sneer on her face and the venom in her voice pierced me. Great now look what you have done. You are a b***h. Just apologise already before she hits you.
    “I'm sorry mum...I swear I didn't mean it. I will start...” I fell to the floor staring wide eyed at my mother, her hand had some of my blood on it. He face stung and I could feel the blood trickling from the corner of my mouth. My father walked around the corner and began swearing at my mother. The two started fighting, swearing as loud as their lungs would let them. This is your fault Lucy...You should never have been born.

    ~xxx~


    “...ucy...Lucy? Hey are you even listening to me? Hah not like that’s any different.” I turned to my friend Sarah and mock laughed. My pale blue eyes blood shot and bruised as I reassured her that I really was listening. She never asked about my face, nor the fact that Nate wasn’t attached to my side as usual. Sarah was smart...she probably already knew exactly what happened. “Tch, whatever Lucy I know you weren’t listening to me. Damn you are such a space case. What do you even think about?” I honestly thought about telling her...but I knew she would just yell at me as per usual. She would defiantly not be happy with me.
    “Oh nothing really Sarah you know just the usual stuff...school and s**t. Haha...” She gave me a look that told me ‘Oh I know you are lying but I am not going to say so only because I have the feeling that if you told me the truth I wouldn’t like the answer.’ And she was dead right. Thats what scares me the most...

    ~xxx~


    Sitting alone in the dirty bathroom was nice. Probably not something most people would find fun...but to me it was great, no room with your parents, no friends, no boyfriends or should I say ex? Hah. There is no one here, no one but myself. Sighing I smiled at my wrists and thigh. The skin scarred and red, fresh cuts with blood seeping out of them. It made me feel so good, it made me feel pain in places other than my heart. You are sick...disgusting....You are nothing...The small pocket mirror dug deeper into my leg, possible deeper than ever but thats okay because it feels good, it really takes away the pain. Getting quite daring I slice my leg even deeper, I had always been hesitant for cutting so much but this was nice. BUZZZ! I nearly screamed as my phone in my pocket started ringing. Chucking the mirror on the floor I reach to look at the screen. It is Nate, the ex.
    “N-Nate? What are you doing calling me?” My voice shaking slightly as I pressed a towel to my leg wincing in pain as I pressed too hard.
    “Lucy get over here now...my parents are out and I need you...” His voice was thick, he sounded in pain. But she knew the reason he needed her...he didn’t have a new girlfriend yet.
    “I’ll be 5 minutes...” He didn’t say anything else just hung up.

    ~xxx~


    Smiling at Nate’s sleeping form I stood up to find my clothes. He wouldn’t want me here when he wakes up. My body hurt so much, he liked it rough. Walking around his messy room limping I finally found my clothes. Looking back at the bed I saw that he was watching me.
    “Why are you watching me Nate?” I turned around be began to put on my bra and my shirt.
    “I didn’t realise you had more cuts on your leg...what the ******** are you doing that for again?” He sat up pulling the dark blue sheets around his fair skined body.
    “I-It’s none of your business...”
    “******** you Lucy this is why I dumped you...you always try to help others and yet you never let us near you...Damn I hate you...” That comment really hurt...she knew she kept people at a distance but hate me? Wasn’t that a bit much...
    “Then why the ******** did you call me here Nate? If you hate me then just leave me alone!” I screamed. “Am I just good for sex? Is that all I am good for now?” I was in so much pain...I thought he had actually changed his mind about dumping me...Lucy you are a fool...why would he like you? Hah he can have any girl he wanted he just knew you would come straight away. YOU REALLY ARE NOTHING BUT s**t. Every word I told myself was true I know that I am nothing but s**t and that he would never want someone like me back. I just couldn’t stop myself from dreaming. Before he could answer me I ran out, still partially naked holing my underwear and skirt in my hand I ran down an ally way pulling out the little mirror.

    ~xxx~


    Waking up in a bright room I began to freak out. Where was I? Why was I here? And who brought me here? So many questions filled my mind. I sat up and realised I was in a hospital. Memories of the ally way came back to me. I had cut myself really badly deep and long, it felt good but I couldn’t stay awake after it. Now I am here. I looked at the chair next to me to find Nate scowling at me. He got up told me I was lucky he found me and walked out. I felt even more alone in my life. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why can’t it just end? I began to cry screaming at doctors as they tried to enter my room. I just wanted to be alone...To have nothing disturb me at all...

    ~xxx~


    Standing on top of the little cliff, feeling the breeze flow through my hair and hospital robe made me feel free. The most likely cold water was splashing against the sharp rocks below. I wasn’t scared. I guess I was lucky the hospital was so close to the beach and even closer to the cliff. I stepped closer to the edge looking up at the stars and the beautiful moon shining down on the water. I can feel myself lighting up, it’s my time to go...I am about to become a beautiful falling star, I am going to disappear in a flash bright and bold. My feet carry me closer to freedom and further from regret and anguish.
    “This is it...I am FREE!” I scream as I begin to fall. I can feel the wind embrace me before it passes me gently to the ocean. My body tumbles around hitting the rocks and such, but I feel nothing. I open my eyes and the last thing I see is a shooting star. MY star, falling with me to the other side. My body stops tumbling and I can feel my consciousness slipping, the stars and moon fading from my sight. I die with no regret, not even remembering why I even jumped in the first place.

    Did I shine God? Did you see me? I hope you did...I hope that I shone so bright and that even I can make the sun ashamed to rise. I am a little falling star and now I am gone disappearing into my own endless night forever...