• A WARM PLACE
    Segami's descent into madness

    by Gary M.


    With the hot sun overhead, her delicate fingers went to work. The chalk in her hand glided across the stone before her, slowly but surely bringing forth the outline of a little bird, wings out as if it were soaring. Her shoulder-length blue hair gave a slight gleam in the broad daylight, contrasting the pale blue, almost white dress that fell from her young, thin figure. This was her favourite pastime. Birds were her favourite animal. She loved sitting out under the warm embrace of the new day, drawing birds on the ground for hours around the big fountain that graced the center of the quiet little town. As her petite hand reached out to stroke in the lines of another bird, shadow stretched over the stone before her. She looked up slowly to see three familiar faces. They were the young faces of three boys who lived in this town with her. She didn't like them. They made fun of her, and would step on her drawings. Today would be no different, and she didn't even know their names.
    A voice burst into her ears.
    "Hey Segami, you drawing those stupid ******** birds again?"
    He turned to his two friends, a grin playing across his pale face. "She's such a weirdo, yeah? No friends, and all she does is draw this crap day after day. I thought we showed her last time that this fountain is our territory."
    Segami was shy, and she never could really explain to these kids that the fountain belonged to the town, and not to three people. She couldn't understand why they would always pick on her, and break her chalk, and step on her drawings, and swear at her. She only wanted to draw on her birds and the cobblestone around the fountain held the chalk best. Her parents had told her that when boys were mean to a girl, it probably meant they liked her. But she wasn't sure. These kids were very mean.
    She looked up, her green and blue eyes taking in the three figures standing over her. She wasn't sure, but these kids were a little bigger than her, so she assumed they were older. Slowly, she offered them a smile. She figured if she was nice, they would be too.
    A foot came down hard on her hand, breaking the chalk and hurting fiercely. Segami gave a loud yelp, and began to stand up, tears gleaming in her eyes. The three others gave a smile.
    "She was down on her knees in front of you, and smiling, Verbichard. Remember what Emily told us about what a girl wants to do when she is kneeling?"
    The boy in the middle, apparently Verbichard took a step forward. He reached out and struck Segami across the face.
    "I remember, and I wouldn't let a freak like her do something like that. I would rather Emily do it. This stupid b***h would probably draw a bird on me or something."
    The strike had brought Segami down to one knee. She let the tears flow freely, desperately trying to rub the salty liquids from her discoloured eyes. She was afraid now, she wanted to be able to see, but everything was blurry from the tears, and she couldn't stop crying. Her hand and her face hurt.
    Why were they so mean to her? What had she done? Was it the way she dressed? Was it her heterochromia? Was it her blue hair? She had never been mean to them once.
    She felt a hand grab her arm, hard.
    "Haha, you made her cry. Look at her, she's gotta be like thirteen or something, and she still cries like a little baby. Why the ******** do you live here, Segami? You give the rest of the town a bad name. We don't want cry-babies in Revori."
    The town was small, the town square was tiny. When she had been drawing earlier, there had been nobody about. She was afraid now, and wanted to run back home. She was worried that these boys would hurt her, and there was no one around to help stop it.
    "You know, she's kinda cute, actually." She heard one of the boys say. It was the one holding onto her arm.
    "What if we pretended she was Emily or something? She was making that stuff sound like it would feel good, and I don't know, no one will find out if we're quick."
    Another voice joined in.
    "She'll tell her parents or something."
    "Have you ever heard her talk? Maybe she can't tell her parents."
    "If she does, we know where she lives. Its a small town."
    "Yeah, and if she does say something, we'll kill her."
    "No, we can't kill her, that makes us murderers. We'll just break her arms or something."
    Segami cried out before a hand clamped over her mouth, whilst another pulled her head back. She flailed wildly, desperately trying to break away, but as a second boy gripped her legs and held her down, she was simply draining her energy. She closed her eyes tightly, screaming against the boy's hand as tears poured down her face. She was shaking all over, her chest was heaving and she was exhausted, but still she struggled. Then, somebody hit her in the head with something hard. She cried out against the hand over her next, trying to break the struggle with the very last of her strength, but it was too much. Exhaustion set in and she was barely able to move. She kept her eyes closed as she could here boys talking.
    "She's pretty strong if it takes two of us, Verbichard. She's kinda not moving now, so I don't know if that rock knocked her out, but hurry up and get this over with. I don't want anybody to hear or see us doing this."
    "Neither do I, but take your hand off her mouth. If she makes a noise or tries to struggle, hit her with the rock again."
    "Alright, alright."
    Segami felt the hand removed. She was desperate, and her heart felt as if it would explode in her chest, but she had exerted herself so badly trying to get away, her body just wouldn't move. Raising her arms was like trying to lift a gigantic boulder. She suddenly felt something enter her throat, something weird. She gagged and pulled her head back, before she was hit again with the rock. She opened her eyes, but there was blood all over her face, and she couldn't see. She tried to scream out, but then she was hit again. After a few minutes, they were finished. She lay there, chest heaving, blood and tears and vomit running down the front of her body. She stared up at the sky, as the three boys stood over her, triumphant grins playing across their faces. She could barely make out a voice.
    "Get the ******** out of here, and when your parents ask, tell them you fell down on a rock or something, or we'll come after you, and kill you."
    "Don't joke like that."
    "I'm ******** serious. If she rats on us, she's dead."
    Segami lay there for what felt like forever. Her head and her back hurt. There was a screaming burning sensation all over her forehead. She was disgusted as she struggled to limb back home. When she burst through the door of her parent's pink-hued house, it was evident nobody was home yet. She didn't care, she collapsed in the doorway to the bathroom, vomiting all over herself again. She crawled across the floor, screaming in rage and agony at the power that had been exerted over her. She saw her reflection in the mirror. Her short blue hair was a tangled, bloody mess. Glistening crimson ran down her face. The front of her pale dress was soaked in blood and vomit. Her eyes were wide and wild, and that was what scared her the most. She look like a wild animal. With a scream of rage, she slammed her fist into the mirror, shattering it whole and cutting her already stinging hand all over. She wheeled back, collapsing in and corner and gripping the sides of her head, screaming wildly to relieve the pent-up rage and hate, and agony and fear. She slammed her bloodied hand against the door until she felt the wood begin to give way beneath her fist. She imagined the door as those three boys, and continued to strike and scream at it. When she opened her eyes again, the door was covered in blood, and there were misshapen dents all over the corner of it where she had been striking it wildly.
    She clutched her throat as she tried to scream in rage once again, but she had worn herself out. the cry burst out as a raspy gasp instead, and Segami collapsed on the cold floor, shaking uncontrollably. She felt filthy. She felt as if somebody had torn out her eyes and eaten them before her. She dug her fingers deep into her blood-soaked blue hair, clawing at the sides of her head. She felt as if she were buried alive and was desperately digging herself out of the dirt.
    She had no idea how much time had passed. It was dark outside. It was dark in the house. Her parents and her brothers and sisters were out of town for the night. The town was so small and isolated, they had done this many times before, usually Segami would stay back because she would cry whenever they tried to take her out of Revori. Every day she wanted to draw birds in the stone, but they had taken that away from her. She picked up a shard of glass from the broken mirror, dragging it across her face. It cut deep, it burned. The crimson fluids calmed her down. It reminded her of the feathers of a bird she had seen once outside of her room upstairs. She took the blood on her fingertips, staring deep into it. It was peaceful, it felt good. Tears flowed down her face. She could never leave the house again, never play with her chalk or sit under the warm sun. What was the point?
    She dragged herself downstairs to the kitchen, her blood and vomit soaked dress feeling heavy against her petite frame. When she reached the knife drawer, she pulled it open. Her bleeding, burning hand wrapped tightly around the wooden frame of the knife her mother would use to cut up the plants and vegetables she enjoyed as a snack around noon every day. The blade was barely visible in the light darkness. She didn't know how to light the candles around the house, she didn't care. As she pressed the edge of the knife against her throat, she closed her eyes once more. Tears flowed down her young face as she nearly made the decision to drag the blade over her neck, undoubtedly ending her short life. But as the blade nearly penetrated her skin, the faces of those three boys flared back into her mind. They were unclear, almost as if somebody had taken charcoal and scraped it across a floor, making a poor attempt to draw the faces of three monsters. She screamed in rage, hurling the blade at the floor. It broke upon impact, snapping the blade in half. She collapsed on the floor, crying hysterically until she fell asleep in a pool of dried blood and vomit.
    A pale warmth flooded across her face, nearly burning her cheek. A pair of blue and green eyes slowly peeled open to reveal the makings of a new day. Sunlight crept through the window at the edge of the kitchen. The room smelled horrible, like death and throw up, and salt. Segami pulled herself up, her body trembling. She knew what she had to do. She reached into the drawer and withdrew another knife before heading upstairs and changing into a light blue dress. She entered the bathroom, ignoring the tried blood and vomit all over the room, before rinsing the fluids from her face and hair. She would have looked into the mirror if it hadn't been broken. She gripped the knife in one hand and walked downstairs before pulling open the door and making her way outside. As was custom, nobody else was out this morning. It was early and the sun was just coming up over the mountains on the horizon. The mountains that marked the entrance to Dh'alazar, which was another country Segami had never been to. Her parents and her brother and three sisters would be back this morning, probably in a few hours. She made her way to the town square, near that big fountain. The blood was gone, her drawings her gone. Her chalk was gone. She fell to her knees as she began to cry once more. The sheer emotional pressure was too much. She sat there for three hours, staring at the floor, waiting and waiting. When they came out, like they always did, they would get what they deserved.
    "Hey, here she is again! Damn, what do we have to do to make her stop coming here!? I don't get it, do we have to break her fingers or kill her or something?"
    She waited and waited, staring at the floor, watching the boy's shadows as they approached. It felt like tiny shards of glass were being churned around inside her head. She slowly stared up, bringing herself up to two feet, standing before the three. The knife was hidden in the fold of her dress. She was nearly their height, she noticed. She stared blankly at them, tears running down her face. Verbichard, the boy in the middle stepped forward, putting his face near hers as a grin played across his visage.
    "Gonna stand up to us or something this time?"
    This time, she was. She gave out a shriek, her features contorting with rage as she brought the knife up. She felt the blade pass through the boy's neck, tearing through the muscle and tissue before getting stuck in the bone above his jaw. As he opened his mouth to cry, Segami could see the glistening blade. Blood burst out onto her face, but she didn't let go of the knife. She gripped hard and tore it out, barely keeping a hold on the handle as the weapon ripped the boy's lowered jaw opening up exiting his skull. His eyes rolled back into their sockets, as he fell over, convulsing rapidly on the floor. The other two were stunned long enough for Segami to make another strike. She lashed out at the boy on the left, plunging the knife into his chest, again and again as he began to fall backwards. The other boy took off, but Segami didn't care. She wanted these two gone. She threw herself atop the boy she had just stabbed, ramming the knife into his chest over and over. He cried hysterically, tears and mucus pouring down his face as he screamed for his mommy. But she didn't let up, when she began to tire, she began stabbing him in the face. It was difficult, because the blade kept getting stuck in the bone, and she would have to pull hard to get it free. She cried too, as she stabbed this child. All the negative emotions that had built up in her entire life flowed as freely as the blood churning from the monsters she was killing. She stabbed and stabbed, the knife so covered in blood it was nearly impossible to hold onto any longer. She stood up, sure the second boy was down forever. He lay at her feet, twitching. She had stabbed in the face so much, he didn't have eyes. He barely looked human. He couldn't possible be alive much longer. The other boy was still shaking. She had stabbed him good, and she didn't want the blade to get any wetter, or she wouldn't be able to hold it. She hugging the knife against her soaked dress, trying to find a dry spot so she could keep ahold of the weapon for the boy who had destroyed her.
    When she had the handle as dry as it would get at this point, she took off in a stride. Her heart was beating even harder than it was yesterday, as she sought to find and bestow punishment upon this last monster. She found him, on his knees, hands clamped over his ears, eyes closed tight, crying hysterically and saying he wanted to wake up.
    "This is a dream. This is a nightmare. This isn't really happening."
    She walked over to him, wiping the tears from her eyes with one hand before plunging the knife into his face. It pierced his eye socket, sinking deep and lodging itself into his brain, or something very soft. She suspected the knife had been caught in bone again, because as she went to pull the knife out, it would budge. But the boy had stopped moving, and slumped limply against her as she tried to remove the knife. She had penetrated his brain. It was over, they had gotten what they deserved.
    She collapsed onto her knees, giving and scream of rage and clutching her burning chest as she cried wildly, wrapping herself up into a fetal position. She wished none of this had ever happened. She wish she could go back and draw birds in the stone, and then go home and eat lettuce and tomatoes and carrots that her mother would cut up with the knife she had broken last night. She should have killed herself there. Her life was over. She had nothing. She couldn't go back home. She would never see anybody she loved ever again. The reality and weight of what she had done sank down upon her, fueling the tears and wretched agony that coursed through her chest and brain. In moments, all she could think of was the colour red. It everywhere. On her hands, her face, on her dress, on the knife, on the bodies, on the floor. She found solace in the sanguine sheen, an inner peace, a comfort zone. She took up the blood from the knife and smeared it across her face, her tears washing the crimson down like a flood.
    She stood and made her way back home, her brain feeling as if sand was running across it. Everything was fuzzy. It was like horrid screeching scribble-scrabble had covered everything. Like claws were ripping her brain apart. She felt her knife sink into someone, and screaming. She screamed too, clawing at the fuzzy scribbles eating away at her. She was sinking and sinking and sinking. Her knife plunged into someone else, and another, and another.
    A piercing screech echoed through her head, in tandem with the swirling scribble-scrabble clawing at her brain.
    Red, red everywhere. On her hands, on her face, on her dress, on the walls, on the floor, on her brother, on her sister, on the knife, on her brain, in her eyes. She re-lived the killing of those three boys one more time, her blade falling from her hand and landing before the blank, dead stare of her eldest sister. She was asleep, Segami told herself. Off to a pretty place where birds fly. They were all asleep. Everyone was asleep. Everyone should be asleep. She turned and walked out her door, she didn't want her life to end. She wanted to be able to sit under the warm sun and draw birds again. She would find another place, a place without hurt.
    That was the first of many times Segami would kill. As she collapsed into her madness and hallucinogenic abuse further, her mind would eat itself alive. She transformed from a shy, quiet and polite girl into an over-energetic, child-like lunatic, gleefully slicing through people as her hallucinogen-poisoned mind was attacked by swirling masses of colours. Over the years, she aged physically, but not mentally. Although intelligent, the sheer emotional collapse she went through that day destroyed what would have been a nice quiet girl. Unpredictable to the extreme, Segami would never again be able to establish any sort of relationship with anybody she wasn't attracted to from the very start. Her mind was distorted and her thoughts were simply hyperactive illusions and misperceptions of the reality around her. But, even after her spiral into madness, there is still a scared little girl trapped deep down inside, and Segami isn't uncurable. With enough compassion and calmness, she could eventually slowly revert back to a person.