• “What have you done to me
    I can't eat, I cannot sleep
    And I'm not the same anymore, oh no, no
    I don't know what to do
    All of me wants all of you
    Do I stand alone at the shore?

    Now once I could turn away
    From everything I feel today
    But, now I want to walk through your door

    But I've got to know
    Body and soul
    That you've got no doubt, inside and out
    We are whole
    Body and soul
    Don't leave me out in the cold
    Just love body and soul

    Do you hear me baby
    I've wasted too much time
    Living' for what wasn't mine
    Then came the day I found you
    And now I want nothing less

    I've found a love that's truly blessed
    I want to make dreams come true

    But I've got to know
    Body and soul
    That you've got no doubt, inside and out
    We are whole
    Body and soul
    Don't leave me out in the cold
    Just love body and soul

    Every day is getting better
    The more I trust I feel stronger, stronger
    Every kiss brings me closer
    It feels good to let you inside.”

    The man in pure black clothes gracefully tapped the white and black keys. The sound in return was lulled back to sleep as the singer drew her breath so that the final note would be a sweet ending to a magical story. Claps and whistles could be heard as the gorgeous singer on stage took a final bow.

    “Thank you, thank you all so much. Round of applause for Mr. Lewis, the incredible pianist.”

    Again the crowd whistled and clapped for the wonderful night entertainment. The singer made her way off the stage as the man on the piano started an instrumental only tune.
    The woman made her way to a small table, but found difficulty as many woman and men stopped her and congratulated the outstanding performance.

    “Thank you all so much! Excuse me for one second if you wouldn’t mind.”

    All the young men watched her with a disappointment as she ran into a man dressed in a deep purple shirt and black dress pants hugged her tightly. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and laughed as he pulled her in closer.

    “So how do you think I did? And I want your honest opinion!”

    “When you tell someone that you are horrible at singing and then they suddenly are watching this horrible, awful person put on a Grammy award winning show, it is hard to not say they were excellent.”

    “You always know the right thing to say.”

    “Only to you I do.”

    Her intoxicating laugh drew the smiles of every wandering eye.

    “Come home and make love to me tonight.” She whispered in his ear.

    “I wouldn’t dream of anyone else, Ms. Jenski.”

    “Neither would I, Mr. Casey.”

    “Mr.Casey! If I would have your attention please!”
    All the gentleman in business attire stared at the man whose gaze was fixated outside the window.

    “What? Oh I am sorry.”

    “If this is that boring I am sure we can arrange something else.”

    “No, no Mr. Peterson, I am sorry. I apologize for my son. He has been going through a very rough time lately.” An older man stood up walking to the front of the room where the presenter was.

    “Surely it couldn’t be that rough.”

    The older man turned Mr. Peterson around and very quietly whispered something to him.

    “Oh. I am so sorry for his loss.”

    “It was a year ago, but he very beat up over it. Doesn’t get much sleep lately.”

    Mr. Peterson turned around, “Good news men, Mr. Casey has proposed that we all go to lunch and get some fresh air. Especially you James.” He stared at the man who was unresponsive.

    “James!”

    “Yes, Mr. Peterson.”

    “Go get some air.”

    “Yes sir.”

    Mr. Peterson packed up his briefcase and walked out of the room along with his entourage of co workers. The rest of the room followed suit except for father and son.

    “James you really need to start separating work from personal life. I know it is hard to let go, but…”

    “Don’t dad, I know the story she isn’t coming back, blah, blah. I just have something on my mind.”

    “Well you need to get that something off your mind because the mergers are noticing you slacking off. I don’t want you to get fired as my son and best advertiser.”

    “I’ll take care of it.”

    “That is the same words I always hear.”

    “Get used to it. I do what I feel need to.”

    “Good luck.”

    “I don’t need luck. I need her. I will be in my office all night long.”

    “Wait James.”

    That is me, the poor sap who just walked out of the door from his concerned father. Things lately haven’t been the same. I work day in and day out, just drowning in work. Now I understand work aholics, they would rather be busy at work then worry about home life. I dread going home at night. So much it has only become a place that I sleep. I am going back to a life of sitting in bars and drinking my problems away. I know what you are thinking. That b*****d should suck it up and carry on with his life. You would not understand.

    Two years ago, my life began and a year later it ended with a stab to the heart. My life was ok. I worked for my dad and was paid good money. Social life was coming back. My relationship with my girlfriend was in the dumps, but I decided to continue onward until she was offered a better job. I guess you could say I was too good of a person. The inability to support her and the fact that I had devoted some time to the affair left me in a horrible situation. When time seems to draw me back, the silly fact is I should have let go.
    Then it happened. I was awake. My eyes were opened to a world that never existed to me before. The frustrations were welcomed. The mystery was pondered. The love I never knew I could feel was stirred deep inside my soul.

    During the very near end of the relationship with my girlfriend, I met someone. This girl, I cannot even describe with words however for the sake of my tale I will try. Her name is Ali (long A and Lee). She stood 5’6, honey eyes, with strawberry blonde hair, and an average build. She mentioned she was average, but yet she was stunning and would make any man happy. The beauty outside shined from the inside as well.

    Ali was different from any other girl I met because I could not figure her out. Whenever a question was asked she answered it in a completely different way than I anticipated.

    “I left a post up on facebook asking what would be the one vehicle you would want for the rest of your life. And let’s assume that it would never break down or anything like that.”

    “A crotch rocket.”

    “Really? That isn’t what I thought you would say.”

    She laughed, “Then what is?”

    “Never mind.”

    “Come on tell me!”

    “I thought you would say an SUV. Ya know they are big.”

    “Are you saying I am aggressive and like to make a statement?”

    “Well I would not go as far to say that, but yes.”

    She laughed again.”I guess you are right on that part, but a rocket to me is mobile, easy to maneuver, and is free.”

    “Free?”

    “I can just throw some things into a back pack and go. I don’t have to worry about traffic because I can zoom right through. I don’t know there is just something about being that free and open. I sort of feel invincible, like I can’t die when I am on the road. So that is no problem for me.”

    “I would hate to drive that in the winter. Unless if you lived here.”

    “Maybe I will move down to warmer weather one day, if I can have my crotch.”

    This time I laughed. “Then it is a deal and I’ll pretend like you left out the rocket on purpose.”

    Her smile set my soul on fire.

    Ali always talked about having the feeling of freedom and living life. She was an inspiring girl for only being a mere eighteen years old. She had difficulties in her past, yet never played victim. I knew deep in my heart she would mature into a world that she had lead to greatness.

    Unfortunately this would never happen. Last year, a day before Ali was to move into our apartment she never picked up her phone. I left voicemail after voicemail, text after text, wondering why she was not calling. Some days we would not have the chance to talk or text much but there would always be at least one “I love you” or “Good morning”. At midnight, after sitting on my bed for nearly five hours staring at the wall, my phone began to buzz. For some reason my heart sank. On my screen it did say Ali, but I knew this call would be different.

    “Hello?”

    “Hey James, this is David, Ali’s brother.”

    “Oh, what’s up? Is Ali with you?”

    There was a dreadful silence. All I could hear was a sniffle and people talking in the background.

    “Dave? Where is Ali?” My heart was beating faster.

    “James…I am sorry.”

    “Dave, where is she?” The voice that came through the phone was choking on the very air it needed.

    “She is dead.”

    I collapsed back on the bed, my hand outreached with the phone in hand. The sound of her brother’s voice was terrifying me as he cried for his sister.

    “James I am sorry, no one knows what to do everyone is still in shock.”

    “What happened?” I shouted with no emotion in my words.

    “The police said she was walking out of one of the lounges she performs at and was shot. She was dead when they arrived. There were witnesses so the police are trying to catch the guy.”

    Tears did not rush into my eyes only anger and confusion was driving my body to rise from the bed.

    “I am getting in my car and driving right now. What hospital?”

    “Washington Hospital Center. I will be here.”

    “I will be there in the morning. Good bye.”

    I hung up the phone immediately, packing my things into a duffle bag, and throwing everything into the car. I did not have time to think. The only thought was to punch the pedal and drive. Maybe this would only turn out to be a horrible joke. I rolled down the windows and blasted the stereo. Ali would have loved the mysterious sky tonight for only one bright shining star could be seen, the one that guided her to safety.

    That day never turned into a joke, for she was dead when I arrived. The police would not let anyone in to see her. I remember fighting my way to the door only to be pepper sprayed and hand cuffed on sight. They warned me charges would be pressed if I insisted not to cooperate.

    Ali’s funeral was even worse because the casket was closed the entire ceremony. I remember her mother crying hysterically that she wanted to see her daughter one last time. The strange thing was that even more policeman and military officers attended her funeral. I just assumed that since her uncle was a retired detective there would be a military styled ceremony, but the refusal to open the casket for no apparent reason was strange.

    “Now we will have Ms. Hawthorne, sing one of Alizabeth’s songs in closing of the ceremony.”

    “Thank you Reverend. Ali is one of my best friends and will always be the most amazing singer. I know if she continued in her career she would have been a star to be remembered by future generations. We always talked about songs that we would sing for each other, especially ones that we would sing at weddings or funerals. Of course I don’t think it would be appropriate to sing Hollaback Girl, as Ali had joked.”

    There was a small chuckle amongst the crowd

    “That was Ali, always trying to put a smile on someone’s face. I decided to sing one of her favorite songs. This is for you Ali. I love you.”

    “Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
    You told me how proud you were but I walked away
    If only I knew what I know today

    I would hold you in my arms
    I would take the pain away
    Thank you for all you've done
    Forgive all your mistakes
    There's nothing I wouldn't do
    To hear your voice again
    Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

    I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
    And I've hurt myself by hurting you
    Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
    Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
    You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

    Would you tell me I was wrong?
    Would you help me understand?
    Are you looking down upon me?
    Are you proud of who I am?
    There's nothing I wouldn't do
    To have just one more chance
    To look into your eyes and see you looking back

    I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
    And I've hurt myself
    If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
    I've missed you since you've been away

    Oh, it's dangerous
    It's so out of line to try to turn back time

    I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
    And I've hurt myself

    By hurting you”

    By the end of the song everyone was in tears, including me. I broke down so hard. The one time we had a fight she sang this to me as we held each other on the couch. Her voice was incredibly vulnerable when she was with me.

    After the ceremony everyone began to pack into their cars. Only I and her father stood at the gravestone.

    Here lies,

    Alizabeth K. Jenski

    Beloved Daughter, Brother, Future Wife and Mother

    June 1st 1992 – September 13th 2011

    “The world has shown me aces, but my family, friends, my future husband and son, remain my royal flush.”

    The gravestone was an imbedded image into my brain. I can still feel it rubbing against my hands. Every single crevice and imperfection felt painted onto my finger tips. The mother of my unborn son and my future wife was gone.

    “Ali always gushed over you. Said how proud she was to be with someone like you.” Her father put his hand on my shoulder as he wiped away his tears with the other hand.

    I was numb. “She always told me stories of when she was little. Said how much she loved you and Annette.”

    “I always regretted letting Ali go.”

    I said nothing.

    “I guess the free spirit in her ruled her heart.”

    I turned to her father, “I think it always ruled her intuition.”

    Her father closed his eyes and nodded. “You will always be part of this family. I just wanted you to know that.”

    “Thank you, Ben.”

    “You are welcome, son.” He hugged me very quickly and walked away for he was starting to cry again.

    I watched him walk away into the jet black limo. I turned back to Ali’s gravesite. My heart was shattered at the recent events, but something in the back of my gut told me there was something not right. Ali always told me never to listen to my heart or mind because they would steer me wrong.

    “Only listen to your intuition. It will never fail you.” I can remember her soft lips moving as she spoke.

    My left hand made a fist. “I promise you Ali, I will follow what I feel. I know you are still out there. I won’t rest until you are back in my arms.”

    I pulled out an orange orchid from my pocket. These incredibly beautifully, rare colored flowers were her favorite. I held it in my palm face up.

    “I love you, Ali.”

    At the exact moment the wind gently lifted the flower into the air. I watched it danced gracefully until it landed on top of her gravestone.

    “I won’t rest.” I repeated.

    Almost exactly one year later, her roommate called me up and mentioned that she was moving. For the longest time Ali’s things has still been in her old apartment. No one ever went into her room unless if they were grieving. No one ever touched her stuff because they felt moving it would remove Ali from the world.

    I enlisted a few friends and her brother to help clean the room. Decided whether or not to keep it or give it away to a family in need. Most of her things were given away because I knew that is what she would have wanted. The way she cared about others was another reason I fell in love with her.

    Just as we were finishing up, I came back upstairs to get a few of the remaining boxes. My friend Jonathon was in the middle of the room looking down at the floor.

    “What are you looking at?”

    He turned to look at me then looked back at the floor. “The floorboards are out of order.”

    “What?”

    “Look.” He walked and stood over one, “This one should be facing this way and the next one should be facing this way.” He motioned his hands as if he was turning the boards.

    “I think you are crazy.”

    “Trust me I used to install flooring all the time. Who put in the boards? Didn’t Steven?”

    “Yeah he did.”

    Jonathon took out his cell phone and typed a quick message. Moments later Steven walked through the door.

    “What is this about the boards being messed up?”

    “Don’t they look odd to you?”

    Steven stood were Jonathon was. He scrutinized just as much maybe even more at the puzzle.

    “They are messed up. I definitely didn’t put them in this way.”

    Steven then examined each and every floor board moving a couple boxes that stood in the way. He finally made his way to her closet and opened the sliding doors. He tapped the light on. As it flickered he bent down touching the wood.

    “It looks like someone took this one out.” He stuck his fingers into the crack and lifted the board out.

    He gently placed the board to the side. Suddenly he rose from his hunkered down squat. Jonathon and I stood still watching his pale face and body tense up. A piece of paper in his hands extended towards me.

    “I think you should read it.”

    “What does it say?”

    “Just read it!” Steven snapped.

    This put me back a little. Steven is the quiet laid back guy. You could never tell if he was scared, hurt, or angry. This look of fear stunned me. None the less I slowly took the paper out of his hand and read the note.

    “James, Help me, I am still alive…Ali. September 14th, 2011”

    Without warning my intuition took hold of me. The anger inside that was held back was now combusting externally.

    The only thing I heard while leaving the apartment was hysteria of voices and my gut.

    “I won’t rest.”