• Jack left his home on Saturday looking for a sign. The kind of sign he was looking for was, quite specifically, the kind which is sent down from the heavens for the explicit purpose of telling people what to do when they are in crisis. Jack was most certainly a man in crisis.
    Currently, on his mantle, there was a small, blue ceramic vase which had a large crack down the middle: a scar from where Jack had glued it after breaking it during a particularly vigorous game of Wii tennis. Inside the vase, there were the ashes of leftover roast chicken, which had formerly been the ashes of his girlfriend Kelly’s mother, which had become ingrained into the carpet upon the breaking of the vase. These ashes were now inside the vacuum bag. Kelly was returning from her sister’s house is Baltimore the next evening, and before she returned home Jack felt it necessary to establish if he was going to hell or not, since he had already established that there was no way in hell that Kelly would ever know about what happened. He was sitting at the bar of an Applebee’s during happy hour with his best friend Nate when God answered his question in the form of a girl’s t-shirt.
    “Don’t Worry, Bee Happy,” it said in a cartoon word bubble. Under this was a picture of a bee, smiling.
    “Nate,” Jack hissed, jabbing him in the rib with his elbow. “Look at that girl there.” Nate turned his head and gave the girl a once-over.
    “Nice.” He grinned and gave an appreciative nod. “You should go for it. She’s way hotter than Kelly.”
    Jack groaned. “Jesus, Nate, that’s not what I meant. I’m talking about her shirt.”
    “What about it?”
    “That’s the sign I’ve been looking for! That’s God telling me I don’t have to worry!” Nate snorted in laughter. “God’s a bee?”
    “You know what I ******** mean, Nate. Shut up.”
    “All I’m saying is that you said it’s God telling you not to worry, but from where I’m sitting it looks like that’s a bee.”
    “That’s how a sign works. God puts a message for you on something random and only you can get the meaning of it. Don’t you ever watch movies? Jesus.”
    “Whatever. So the Bee-God said you’re not going to hell?”
    “Pretty much.”
    “Swell. Does that mean we’re done talking about the ashes now?”
    “Yeah, I think so.” Nate paused and took a drink from his beer. He glanced at the girl’s shirt, and then at Jack.
    “And you’re sure that means you’re not going to hell now?”
    “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it was timed so perfectly. She came in just as we were talking about the urn, so it sort of has to be significant, you know?”
    “Not really, since we’ve been talking about the urn all night…” Jack furrowed his brow, a shade of anxiety crossing his face. “…but I guess you’re right. I mean, it looked pretty significant, now that I think about it. Like really, really significant. That was definitely a sign back there,” Nate continued, seeing the concern on Jack’s face.
    “Yeah,” Jack said, regaining his confidence. “I’m totally safe.”
    “Totally,” Nate replied, staring awkwardly into his drink. Jack smiled and leaned back in his chair.
    “Awesome.”