- I woke up at the sound of heavy breathing across from me. I didn't notice how cold it could be in the morning. As I placed a blanket over his shivering body I noticed the wounds on his hands. Last night we had been running for hours and he had gotten hurt saving me. The both of us finally reached the Ice City. It's so cold that the buildings, roads and foot paths have all been covered in snow from the storm last night. I don't regret it. I really don't regret coming to this place with Johnathon. He had worked so hard to get me out of the palace and to somewhere safe. I am free here but even so, I feel terrible. As if my heart had just been ripped out and shredded into a million pieces in front of me. I hope this pain goes away soon.. because if it doesn't, I will undoubtedly go running back. Running back into his arms. I was treated like a slave, a beggar and yet I still feel this way. I spent a few minutes thinking until I realized that Johnathon was awake. "Johnathon" He looked into my pale brown eyes, "Maria.. did we really escape? Are we safe now? I'm so sorry Maria! I didn't mean to grab your hand and pull you along with me, really. I just.. I couldn't leave you there with a man such as him. He treated you so horribly and you would just stand there and take it. He is a ruthless man! I mean, he kidnapped you-" I stopped him before he could go any further. "Johnathon, there is no reason to keep worrying yourself. We escaped the castle and are in the Ice City. You fell asleep as soon as we reached the room." A calm look started to appear on Johnathon's face. He got up from his bed and sat on the edge of mine. We looked at each other as he picked up my right hand and kissed it. He looked down at my hand, where 'that ring' had once been. While still looking down he whispered, "I am so glad. Maria.."
- Title: Runaway
- Artist: aclara
- Description: Beginning of a story.. still being written. Set in a fantasy/magical sort of world. It's about a girl named Maria who had been kidnapped by the Prince of another country a few years ago. He was going to force her to marry him. A young man (Johnathon) working for the Royals had fallen in love with her and saved her. But there are many secrets and emotions still to be revealed during the story. Did the Prince love her? Did she really want to run away? And more.. please comment and rate =)
- Date: 07/25/2009
- Tags: untitled
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Comments (3 Comments)
- blackcatlover1 - 03/10/2010
- Me like. Okay so I am a realy good writer (some of my stories have been in writing magazines) and I see great potential in this piece. You have drawn you reader in from the first line. smile
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- MaryJeanStar - 07/28/2009
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Comment I shall. This has excellent potential. You did well to start the story where you did; a beginning must never take place at the beginning.
Problems: Your time tense switched from past, to present, and back to past again. As first person, this issue gets especially confusing.
Also, whenever someone new is speaking, a new paragraph must indicate it.
You've got something good brewing here. I wish you luck in completing it. - Report As Spam