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He doesn’t really want me, and I know it. I remember how it was at first, the loving words, the gentle touches, and the warm kisses. They’ve all been replaced with empty words, forced touches, and cold kisses. I remember how happy we were, or at least how happy I was and how well he acted. I know all his actions in the beginning was an act to make me love him and unable to leave, and that’s the way it is. I love him and would die if I ever lost him, but he could leave without any tears staining his too perfect face. He’ll stay whole and I’ll break when this ends. I’ll never be the same person I was before I met him.
I’m laying here again just think about how I’ll never be the one he wants to spend forever with and how I’m stupid enough to want to stay. I look at him as he sleeps and see an angel whose perfection is unmatched. I see everything I ever wanted, but know this won’t last. I need to make a choice on whether I’ll stay for the night or leave forever. I always have this night, where I need to make the choice, but I always pick staying. But this night is different; the pain is crushing down on me like never before. His kisses were so cold I could shake the frost from my lips; his touch so forced it actually hurt; and his words so empty you could hear their hollowness. I was being torn and he didn’t care, I could tell by how peaceful he slept tonight.
I knew my choice tonight; I needed to leave before I was left to be nothing. I lifted myself from our bed, which as soon as I walk through the door will only be his, and got to the desk. I wrote him everything; how I loved him and still do, about the pain his coldness put me through, and how I can no longer stay here. As I signed the letter, I look through the window and saw all the stars light up in a way I haven’t seen in a long time. They seemed to all smile at me as is they were happy I finally did this. As I sealed the envelope, I looked at him sleep there. He really was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. As I packed silently, I smiled about all the happy memories we had. They were happy with genuine smiles and infectious laughter. Then I frowned as I put the suitcases by the door and walked back to the room. I needed to place the letter on the desk along with all his gifts to me. I didn’t need these reminders, but as I looked at them I couldn’t help but cry silent tears. I walked to our bedroom door and looked back one last time. I began to walk out of this life forever. “Where are you going?”
I turned to see him, dazed from just waking up. He looked so cute like that and I almost spilled more tears looking at him. I gathered myself so my voice wouldn’t crack. “Just getting a glass of water. I’ll be right back, so go back to bed.” I flashed a smile that I knew would convince him.
He bought it; he grunted and went back to sleep. My heart was already shattered, but still those little pieces held love for him and I couldn’t stop those pieces from cracking as I turned my back. I picked up the phone to call the taxi and told them where to pick me up. I picked up my suitcase and left my empty life with him. I locked the door as if I were locking the door to this life. I never wanted to go back, but I knew there would always be that small chance. As I went down the elevator, walked through the lobby, and got into the taxi I cried. The taxi driver took me to my best friends house, which I knew was open. She always left it open, knowing I’d be coming through it after I left him. I didn’t go in immediately, I just stayed in the yard and looked up. I decided to lie in the grass and look up at the stars. The moon was a half moon, and that made me smile sadly. It was as if the sky were telling me something. The night was threatening to swallow me just as he did. I was the moon who was only a half without him. But the stars knew this was best for us, so they smiled and held back the sky to allow the moon to heal and become whole. I was soon asleep with tears staining my cheeks, but deep down I knew this is what needed to happen.
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Title:
Half-Moon
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Artist:
TiKKa576
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Description:
His kisses were so cold I could shake the frost from my lips; his touch so forced it actually hurt; and his words so empty you could hear their hollowness.
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Date:
07/08/2009
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Tags:
halfmoon
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