• "Were going to be the best of friends until were 80 and dying!"
    "Yeah, and we're gonna build a bakery and sell cupcakes and muffins!"
    "Ahaha, you guys are so weird...but thats why I love you!"


    Is that true? Them loving me? Will we really be best of friends until were old and dying?
    Or will we be gone from each others lives in the next day? Week? Month? Of year?
    When do we really know that we've met those friends who will be there for us...me?
    Someone who will appreciate my presence, my thoughts, and jokes?

    ~~~~


    Jaquie, Jaquie...and me.

    The unseperable trio. Who spent almost every waking moment telling
    the other they loved them and will rape any one who will make them
    cry.

    But one thing that made me cry sometimes late at night was that Jaquie and Jaquie
    revolved around something that I felt not included... Their names... while mine was Nesta.
    Because of their sharing names they thought that they were like twins. They shared the same 'telepathy frequency" while I was on the other. When I was with either one of the two
    it was like they had more to speak to each other and not me... when I try to give
    my point or advice they either say "No, you don't understand. I'm gonna ask Jaquie." or "Thats cool but I'm gonna see what Jaquie has to say."

    It made me die just to hear them care more about each other than me...Its not like I
    wanted attention I wanted to be more appreciated, involved in conversations,
    and inside scoop on things.

    We use to share things, a lot of things. But now its just a "Hi." , "Yeah things are going great.", or "Haha, Yeah." Being very vague like you would be to your parents
    about them asking you how was school.

    I myself started distancing myself from them thinking that If I was 'poof' (gone) from their lives then maybe they could be more happy. Or is that wrong and stupid reason? Maybe its
    because what's the point of sticking around when no one wants to talk to you. Someone
    who doesn't really care about you just because you don't share the same name.
    Is a name a bigger thing than having someone's friendship?

    I don't know but... now sitting by my window looking out into the night. The moon high above in the sky, all round and bright. The stars twinkling. For some reason this gives me
    a sense that even if the friendship were to end, I will find those special people who will
    help me find myself and what exactly is out there in the world. Stupid? Yes. But isn't everything we think now stupid. Adults do say when they look back on life all their decisions and thought were stupid. Random? I don't know. I don't even know the reason I brought it up but it does kind of sound right. Mostly all I can do is not dwell on my ending friendship
    but to see brighter things that may occur. And to appreciate that I at least have other people who care about me also.



    "Jaquie 1 and Jaquie 2. Even if this friendship were to end... I (will and always) love you guys so much. You guys were like my own crazy sisters."