• The next morning I woke up in a daze. I didn’t feel good at all; it felt like something was hurting my stomach. Something like guilt but a far worse version. I thought about what was going on in my life, with Penny, with Michael, with Fakir and Julian. That’s when I decided to get up and buy a diary, and then maybe I would have somebody to talk to. I got up and threw sweat pants, a “green machine” tee-shirt and sandals. I didn’t even brush my hair, that’s how lazy I was this morning. The store is only a couple blocks outside of the Ballet campus. I hated this store; it always smelt like Bananas and had stupid orange walls. But it was the nearest one and I didn’t want to waste my weekend time. When I picked out a diary I really liked (it was purple with ballet shoes in one corner and the paper was lavender.) It hit me that I hadn’t wrote to my parents in a while, so I also bought 2 gold gel pens, (that would look so cute with the lavender paper) an envelope, stamps, a small bedside light, a box of coke cans and some Easy Mac. I was fighting myself if I should buy the Twinkies, then I heard a familiar voice in the section in front of me. “Hey! What’s up Jenny?” Julian said. It bugged me so much that he couldn’t get my name right. I mean how hard is Julie?!? But, I smiled and said “I’m fine, and it’s Julie.” He shook his head like it was no big deal. I grabbed the Twinkies and went up to the cash register. There goes my pocket money. “Julie! Wait!” I turned, Julian had a notebook and a C.D. in his hand, and he paid and caught up to me. “When was the last time you did something crazy?” I gave him a crazy look and walked faster, he was practically running to keep up with me. “Come on.” He said. I slowed down “Well…It matters what you mean …” He looked at me like I was crazy, then a crooked smile fell across his face. It looked so good on him, then that heat rushed to my face and my heart just went faster. I looked down.
    I felt…wrong. Blushing for someone other than Michael. I just couldn’t stand it. I was being unfair to Michael because:
    A. I am flirting and blushing with other guys
    B. I am not sharing stuff that Penny is doing to me
    C. I…I don’t dream about him anymore.
    When I thought about the last one…it scared me even more. I didn’t dream or think about him the way I use to. Do...I not like him anymore? Was it all false love? My heart sank. No…That can’t be true, it’s probably just confusion to my heart, all this panicking is probably just…I don’t know!
    “Julie? You still there? Am I really that boring? So boring that you space out on me?” Julian said
    I looked up to find him starring, and he was really close.
    “No…I was just thinking. What was your question? Oh yeah…I do crazy stuff sometimes.” I said, the blushing was giving me a headache, it’s like it wouldn’t stop.
    “Hum…like run around nude in public? Or stick your head out of a window? Or yell really loud…?”
    “Julian…I am not a dog. I mean, like sneak around and skip school and…I don’t like risks.” I suddenly felt embarrassed. Does Julian go after girls who are risky? No…Stop thinking what Julian wants, just Michael. He was still running to keep up with me. Even though I am shorter, I walk faster than him. It made me laugh just thinking about it.
    I decided to cut the guy a brake. He shouldn’t run to keep up with me. I sat down on a bench nearby, and just like I wanted he sat right next to me. His breathing was fast. I felt his body move while he breathed because of how close he was. He was warm, so warm.
    “Can I ask you something? But you promise not to get mad or embarrassed and not answer the question?” He asked, looking down at his feet.
    “Try me.” I said, even though I was extremely nervous about what the question was going to be.
    “What is your ideal date?” He asked, still looking down at his feet.
    “Well… I have always had this dream of a ‘Lady and the Tramp date’ you know. I want to just bump into him by surprise and he takes me to a romantic place to eat. With the spaghetti and everything. Then we would walk around, the sun setting. And then just sit and watch the stars.” I sighed when I was done. How I wished to have a date like that. The Italian music playing in my head. “What’s yours?”
    “The usual. Sky diving snowboarding, skateboarding…skinny dipping.” He looked up to see my reaction, and then smiled. “I am just joking. Like, I want to go eat at someplace cheap like Jack in the Box or McDonalds, and then I want to waste all my money doing something she wants. That way, she can do whatever she wants.”
    “That’s sweet” I said smiling.
    “Another question. What is your ideal kiss?” He didn’t look down this time.
    “Well, I saw this off of an anime that I watched this one time.
    The girl was crying because she was saying something like “Now do you understand what it feels like to just have someone slowly vanish? Slowly slip away?” Then she said “My face must look like a mess, please close your eyes so you don’t see me like this.” And the boy closed his eyes; the girl was just looking into his face when she had the urge to kiss it. And since his eyes were closed he couldn’t know what she was doing. Then she leaned in and kissed him. The sudden kiss took the boy by surprise, but then after the shock wore off he put his arms around her and enjoyed the kiss. That has always been my ideal kiss since then.” I sighed again, knowing that will never happen to me no matter what. I looked to see Julian smiling, a big wide smile.
    “What?” I asked suddenly self-conscious
    “It’s just that…I can’t top that. I don’t have an ideal kiss.” The smile turned into a jokey one. “So I guess it is true, all the gorges girls have a thing for romance?” He giggled when he was done
    “JULIAN!” I yelled and punched him in the arm. He turned my face a scarlet.
    “Looks like Ms. Romance is getting angry! I’d better go!” He ran, but took my bag of stuff I bought with him.
    It hit me then. He wanted me to chase him. I jumped up and ran towards him. I bet we looked like two crazy people, just running like that. Finally, I got close to him and grabbed his jacket. He tripped because of this. Not only did he trip but he fell on top of me!
    But, instead of getting embarrassed or angry, I started laughing. He joined in. He rolled over to the other side of me and we waited until the moment died. My laugh went to just smiles now. But the smiled vanished when I realized his hand was holding mine and his other hand was twirling a piece of my hair.
    “Are you always red?” He asked me
    “Julian, I’d better go. I want to get some stuff done.”
    “Yeah, I better too.”
    We both got off the ground and he walked me to my dorm.
    “See you later!” He said, the crooked smile returning
    “Yeah…” I said. I watched him walk away. Then slowly opened the door. To my surprise, Michael was there. But as I walked closer, I saw what took my lungs away and made my heart fall to my stomach.
    Penny and Michael were kissing. And not just any kiss, but a long kiss. A passionate kiss. “Michael?” I said. Penny looked my way, smiling. But Michael looked confused, very confused. And then Penny grabbed Michael in for another kiss.