• Today is quite possibly the worst day we’re spent in the studio so far, and it’s not looking up. My head aches, my eyes burn, my throat hurts, I’ve been up for thirty-two consecutive hours and I’m sick and tired of working and reworking these lyrics. I wonder idly if this is what a hangover feels like. It only serves to strengthen my resolve that people who drink to get drunk are not only disgraces, but complete fools. It doesn’t help that the one and only string that Jade doesn’t have a replacement for has snapped and we’re currently waiting for him to get back from the shop that’s a half hour away or that Smith has decided to lug the needed equipment around, making my head echo with the sounds of his moving. No, there’s very little that could make today much worse.

    Adam, thankfully and unsurprisingly has sided with me on this, sitting beside me on the couch, an arm around my shoulders, my head lolling onto one of his; yet another reason why he’s so near and dear to my heart. He knows me better than I know myself; knows when one line in a set of tortured lyrics will set me off and is there with his arms wrapped around me, telling everyone else to back off until I’ve calmed down. Or when Smith is making as much noise as a herd of elephants in a room filled with… potentially noisy objects. Regardless, he is truly a blessing.

    “Davey, there’s another room with a couch where you can lie down if you want.” God, that sounds good. I mumble into his shoulder and somehow he understands, helping me up and out of the room, stumbling down the hall until we reach the door and let ourselves into a pitch black room that is blessedly silent. We blunder around, searching for said couch before tripping over it and I end up sprawled on top of him, half-laughing, half-snoring, both from utter exhaustion. I can hear him chuckle, the vibrations running through his chest tickle my cheek and sound like low rumbles of thunder in his chest. It’s pleasant.

    His breathing evens out, I can hear the quiet whoosh of air in and out of his lungs, the gentle beating of his heart, the fluttering of mine as it struggles to match his, the feeling of complete tranquility when it finally does. His fingers are in my hair, tangling in it, rubbing feather-light circles that have me floating on air, hovering in that halfway place between sleep and awareness. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so at peace; the various aches and discomforts seem worlds away for the moment.

    The rumbling in his chest starts again, but this time, he’s not laughing. It takes me a minute in my blissful half-slumber to realize that he’s singing. Or humming. There’s no difference.

    It just so relaxing and even that doesn’t do it justice. It’s like there’s this piece of Adam that I’ve known was there and that I’ve caught glimpses of before but that I’ve never really encountered. There’s this naked feeling, this… rawness about it, something that has me curling closer to his warmth, my arms around his neck as I bury my face in the crook of his neck. I can feel his arms around me like two steel bands; arms that are infinitely gentle but so protective, an embrace that I can’t help but feel should belong to a father. Or a lover.

    I’ve never heard the song before. Maybe he’s making it up. It just sounds so him so fundamentally Adam that I can’t help but think that it was either written by him or for him by someone who really knew him.

    Time drags. It’s beautiful. A second turns into a minute… turns into ten minutes… turns into an hour… And we’re still here, Adam’s still humming, I’m still floating in between and neither of us want to go back.

    His humming eventually slips into silence, his hands in my hair still, his breathing slows and deepens and I can hear the air in his lungs once more, the beat of his heart. I’m struck by how utterly precious this moment is to me. As I think about it, I would trade this moment for nothing else on Earth; nobody and certainly nothing material. It’s an experience that would be cheapened by mentioning it in the same sentence as anything and anyone else.

    And I’m finally drifting off, I can feel it, I’m slipping from where I float to slide down into darkness and it’s never felt so good.