• When someone told me divorce was going to be hard, I took them for granted. I thought sure, I would have to endure some hard times, and in the end everything would work out.
    Nothing prepared me for what was to come, over the next year I endured more emotional trauma than any 15-year-old should have to. I had no idea what motivated me to endure all of it. Maybe it was the false hope that at the end of it, or when they thought they had tortured me enough for one lifetime it would all stop.
    I had heard it all, every person who always tried to comfort me told me the same thing. “You are just being selfish, do you have any idea how lucky you are that you are able to eat three meals a day, that you have a house, and that you have a house...You are spoiled to death, your parents pay for all your electronics, books, basically everything that you want or need. You are so ungrateful.” It is easier said than done. You can have all the riches of the world, and have enough goodies to keep you happy the rest of your days. However, if you go through enough emotional drama it comes to a point where you are so trapped in that darkness where you have virtually no hope that things will get better, and you can never see the light that is the greener grass on the other side. This darkness is what my parents draped over my life involuntarily and without even knowing what they were doing. Ever persistent to make life better for themselves, and never once cared that what they were doing was changing me. When I approached them as a changed person, as any human being does when faced with something unfamiliar. As with any new or strange idea, they attacked it, and called it crazy, blaming me or my friends.
    At one point I had finally decided that this was not the life for me : I needed to get out, this was not healthy for me. I was inspired by this idea many times when my family was on the brink of divorce. The event that hit me the hardest, though, was one that happened during the thanksgiving break of my sophomore year in high school.
    The day had started out fairly normal. Despite the fact that I was trying to sleep in, I was woken up yet again by my parents fighting. The subject of the argument was trivial: pointless, which irritated me even more: My mom didn't like the cats.
    “Can you guys stop? I'm trying to catch up on sleep and I got woken up by you two arguing again.”
    I said as I walked down the stairs to face them.
    “Well tell her to stop criticizing me!” my dad yelled, sitting back down on the couch.
    “Criticizing you? Jimmy the cats are disgusting, I Refuse to live with them! She yelled back at him.
    “FINE THEN! Leave! I don't want you here, LEAVE!”
    This flared the argument back up again, which led to several: “I can't believe the mistake I made in marrying you,” lines.
    I groaned as I retreated into the kitchen to get some breakfast, already feeling a headache, and knowing I would not be able to fall back asleep even if I tried. I then ran back upstairs not bothering to stop the argument anymore because of the already growing pain in my temples.
    I walked into my room and closed the door behind me almost tempted to bar it, but thought better of it. I turned on my computer and pluggedin my headphones, turning on my loudest music so as to block out the chaos downstairs.
    I started to play video games, hoping it would be a big enough distraction so that I could forget that event ever happened. I don't know why but they have always just been so appealing to me. Maybe it was just a nice little escape from reality that let me become anything that I wanted, without anyone trying to bring me down. I could never be stopped because every time I was taken down I would just have to look at a loading screen for a few moments and start all over again, anew, no matter how bad things got.
    Eventually I was forced to leave my sanctuary to make myself lunch a few hours later. Walking downstairs I noticed that the house had become quiet at last, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I started to make myself a turkey sandwich. When I was done I went upstairs, unplugged my headphones so I could use my speakers, listened to my favorite music and read a new book.
    It was not long, however, until another argument flared up, this time the subject being “Your father is a disgusting slob, and is really lazy.”
    “All you ever do is sit around all day and watch television. You are so lazy! And besides that you wear the same clothes every day AND you barely shower!” I heard her yell at him across the hall, what had inspired her to start this yet again was completely beyond me.
    “I'M NOT DISGUSTING!” he yelled back.
    I did not even let her answer.
    “ENOUGH!” I yelled, stomping across the hall, and fighting the urge to punch the wall out of frustration. “Don't you think this argument has gone on long enough?” I said pointing my fingers at the both of them to indicate I was not taking sides.
    “What?” she turned to me, surprised. “I'm your mother, don't talk to me that way!...I should slap you for that” She looked around the room, practically at a loss for words, “She is so rude!” she yelled stomping across the hall.
    “She's crazy! He tried to whisper to me as I turned to watch her go.
    “You aren't helping either!” I hissed, and left the room.
    Completely riled with frustration, I walked to my room, with the headache coming back and on the brink of crying.
    I walked into my room practically shaking, and on the verge of collapsing. Not even knowing what I was doing I slammed the door as hard as I could, then barred it by sticking my boogie board between the door know and the foot of my bed.
    “Oh no” I heard my mother say angrily as she stomped across the hall towards my room.
    “You did not just slam the door” she tried to open the door but was stopped after a few inches.
    “Open this door right now or I'm calling the police, you'll go spend some time in juvenile hall!”
    Defeated and actually coming somewhat to my senses I kicked it out of the way and stood back as she stormed across the room and went toward the computer. Her fingers just inches from the keyboard, she then turned to face me.
    “What is the matter with you? Are you stupid?” she yelled.
    No answer.
    “The whole house just shook because of you slamming the door. You have to control yourself.” She picked up the keyboard, “If you ever do this again I'll take your computer away and destroy it!”
    I didn't answer, and just stared straight ahead as if in a trance.
    “Stop looking at me like that! What do you have to say for yourself? She said already attempting to rip out the keyboard by the cord.
    But I heard nothing she said, I just stood there staring at nothing. Then finally saying, “I don't know, I have nothing to say.”
    “Ugh” was all I heard before she stormed out of the room dropping the keyboard on my desk.
    Dizzy, I began to think of how I could escape this, and forget that it ever happened, just for the sake of sanity.
    “Leave...I have to leave.” I thought to myself.
    I quickly got dressed, not even caring what I looked like, just so that it would keep me warm. I put on some shoes, grabbed my cellphone and iPod from my nightstand, turned off my computer, and walked out of the door. Not even knowing where I was going, I walked. I found myself at the top of the hill coming out of my neighborhood, something that would usually be exhausting and time consuming had taken practically no time and energy to do. My head was pounding ferociously, and I was yet again on the brink of crying.
    I looked down at my iPod to see that I was listening to the song “On my Own” by Three Days Grace.
    “Heh, fitting” I laughed to myself as I continued down the street, still not knowing where my legs were taking me. I remember passing a coffee shop but not getting anything because I had no money no matter how badly I felt like drowning my sorrows in a nice warm hot chocolate. I sat on a bridge overlooking the street leading to a popular hang out for most of the kids in my class. I remember getting multiple texts from friends who noticed my absence asking if I was okay, and I answered the same way every time: “I don't know.”
    Having realized I had been sitting there for nearly two hours, and was freezing cold as well as hungry I decided to head home, taking the long way. As I neared the street I noticed a green light leading toward the park, away from my house, curious I decided to follow it. As I neared it I figured out that it was just a rogue Christmas light on the side of one of the houses overlooking the park. Disappointed, I started walking back home, but decided against it, and instead walked towards the playground. I sat at the top of the slide, sitting against the metal bars despite the cold, and listened to music. Memories of what had happened earlier that day as well as other events that left me in nearly the same state came flooding back into my mind. I was vaguely aware of the tears sliding down my face, drenching the collar of my shirt.
    I was shaken awake from my music trance by the ringing of my cell phone, which just happened to be my best friend calling.
    “Hello?” I answered trying to keep my voice as clear as possible.
    “She shouldn't have to deal with my drama,” I thought.
    “Hey hey, what's up?” she asked enthusiastically.
    “Nothing much, just sitting at the park cold and alone” I answered trying to cover it up with a pity laugh.
    “What? Why? Is everything okay?” she asked, sounding concerned.
    “Oh no, yeah just some emotional drama I had to deal with, no worries. I'm sure you've heard enough of it from me anyway”
    “What? No, never. We're friends, we're supposed to be here for eachother, and it sounds like you need some company, I'll be down at the park in like seriously two minutes”
    “Oh, um okay! See you in a couple minutes I guess, bye.”
    Literally within the next couple of minutes I saw her jogging across the grass toward the playground and sit next to me at the top of the slide.
    “You've been crying,” she said as she looked into what I assumed were my bloodshot eyes.
    “Is it that obvious?” I tried to crack a smile, as I attempted to wipe the tear tracks away.
    “Don't worry, I'm here for you,” she smiled and gave me a hug, which I returned gratefully.
    Within another minute, however, my depression was completely forgotten as we talked, catching up on each others lives, and I was laughing truly for the first time that day. The conversation eventually got to explaining what had happened earlier in the day to make me “So emo”.
    We had since moved and were now sitting in the swings leaning against the chains. As I finished my story her bright smile had changed to a dark frown.
    “I just don't get it.” she said after I was done, “I don't understand why they put you through all that. You're a good kid, you never get into trouble, you get good grades, and you are on a sports team. What more do they want from you?”
    I shrugged.
    “I just know that the day you graduate you'll be out of here for good. Studying at a really good college and never having to speak to them ever again.” she laughed. “Then you will be all rich and you'll laugh in their face with all of your money”
    I started to laugh.
    “What I'm serious! You're destined to leave them, I just know it”
    “Ah, no it's just the way you said it,” I said clutching my ribs from laughing so hard, “and you really think so?
    “Definitely,” She said flashing her famous smile that seemed to brighten your day no matter what.
    Whether it was that conversation or just the entire day put together that pushed me to do my best I haven't the faintest idea. After that day I never let another experience like that keep me down. I just kept on striving to escape that emotional turmoil I went through nearly every day. As i write this nearly 15 years later and think about how that event, whatever it was pushed me to graduate from college, and eventually acquire my dream job, I'm thankful for it, I really am.