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Saved From the Dark
Part 1:
When the Devil Stole the Moon's Heart
Chapter 3
tab Remember when I said that Alexa would give up eventually? Well, I was wrong. Very wrong. It was five weeks later. Five weeks! And she still didn’t give up! She didn’t look like she was anywhere close to giving up! She was driving me insane! I couldn’t let myself give in, but my patience was running low.
tab It was sixth period, science, and Alexa was sitting in her seat, which was unfortunately next to mine.
tab “Hey, I was wondering…” she said absently, “Where did you get that necklace?”
tab I hesitated. No one had ever really asked me about my lunar pendant before. Then again, no one had ever really noticed it, either. It was a small silver crescent moon on a silver chain. It was my most prized possession, a symbol of the Moon god.
tab “I’m not really sure.” I responded truthfully. “I’ve had it for as long as I can remember.”
tab “I see.” She said. She seemed to be deep in thought for a few seconds.”Anyway, are you going to shake my hand anytime soon?”
tab “It depends,” I said, “Will you be giving up anytime soon?”
tab She pretended to think about it. “Nope.” She concluded.
tab “I didn’t think so.” I responded. I thought about my choices for a few seconds. What harm could come from a simple handshake? Could it possibly lead to friendship? Or more importantly, would I be able to handle any more of her tormenting? I concluded that I would rather shoot myself than have to take one more day of her torture. I sighed.
tab “Fine, I give up.” I shook her hand. I let out a sigh of relief. Finally, it was over. Or so I thought.
tab “You know, I’m not done with you yet.” She said demonically. “There’s still one more thing I need.”
tab My body froze. “What?” I whispered, unable to comprehend what she just said.
tab “I want you to go on a date with me.” She said, smiling an evil smile. “Just one date, and then I’ll leave you alone.”
tab “No.” I stuttered. “No way, I can’t!”
She sighed. “Fine, then. How about a walk?”
tab “No!” I almost shouted.
tab “Come on!” she persisted, “It’s just a walk.”
tab “No!” I replied. “You just don’t understand, I can’t!”
tab She grabbed a fistful of my silver hair. “You know,” she said absentmindedly as she was pulling my hair, “Going for a walk is a good form of exercise. You’ll get fat if you don’t exercise often.”
tab “Ow! Let go, I said I can’t!” I very nearly screamed at her, struggling to be free from her grasp. It was strange that I couldn’t free myself, since I was stronger than ten bodybuilders put together. Or at least I thought I was. Anyway, she wasn’t letting go.
tab She rolled her eyes. “Come on, Charlie, it’s just a walk.” She looked at me malevolently with an evil grin. “Besides,” she said demonically, “If you say no, the torture will just get a lot worse. You don’t want that, do you?”
tab I just stared at he, fear most likely showing in my silver-blue eyes. “You’re an evil, evil person, you know that?” I said, lips trembling.
tab Her smile just grew wider. “Is that a yes or a no?”
tab She had me where she wanted me. I was cornered. I had to hand it to her, not many people had the ability to scare the Moon god. I was out of options, out of patience, and out of luck. I had no other choice. Emmett was probably going to kill me for it, but I had a feeling that I would rather hear Emmett yelling at me than have to go through any more of Alexa’s torture. I gave up.
tab “Fine, I give up. But only a walk, nothing more!” I demanded. “After that, you leave me alone. Now let go!”
tab “Fine.” She said with a satisfied smile. “You can come pick me up at five this Sunday, at my house.” She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to me. “Here is my address. It was nice doing business with you, Mr. Hopewell.” She chuckled.
tab I stared at the paper as two questions went through my mind. First of all, why did she have her address ready? There was no way she could have known that I’d give in to both of her requests. Yet the proof was right there in my hand. I decided to ask her the second question.
tab “How can you be sure that I’ll show up? What if I decide not to go, to just leave you waiting?”
tab “Oh, you’ll sow up, all right.” She assured me. “Because if you don’t… well, let’s just say that that would be a very bad idea.”
tab I gulped and nodded. “Understood.”
tab The bell rang and I nearly jumped out of my seat. I forgot that I was in class. I quickly got my stuff and walked out the door to go to my seventh period class, math. As I walked, I thought about how Emmett would react when I would tell him that I gave in, that I lost. I sighed.
tab This is going to be a long day. I thought. But not half as long as Sunday will be.
- by anna banana panda |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/05/2009 |
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Comments (7 Comments)
- Morbid Humour - 07/06/2010
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I'm going to read your next chapter now~!
Oh, and um...If you ever want me to stop commenting, just PM me. I've never been on the receiving side, but I imagine that it may be a bit overwhelming with the comments and all. XD - Report As Spam
- Morbid Humour - 07/06/2010
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Something to that effect. That actually bring me to my next point: Adverbs. You've actually got a few nice ones going, 'absently', 'demonically' and 'malevolently'. You have a good balance between using them and not using them.
I think that the most important advice for you in general is 'show, not tell'. Are you familiar with that phrase? Describe what they would be doing physically or mentally - as in their thoughts - at that point in time with those emotions they have. - Report As Spam
- Morbid Humour - 07/06/2010
- I love Alexa. She's the perfect little aggravation. ;D But a bit more description about her would be beneficial. I'd want to know how tall she is, does Charlie tower over her? Is she thin? It might make it easier for the reader to visualize her. I'm being really picky and demanding here, but I'd maybe say a bit more about her facial expression as she's tormenting him. Stuff like 'She assured him as her eyes narrowed at him mischievously.'
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- Morbid Humour - 07/06/2010
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Just one tiny little grammatical/spelling thing, it was probably a typo - " I just stared at he, fear most likely showing in my silver-blue eyes." 'he' to 'her', maybe?
Okay, I lied. One more: “Oh, you’ll sow up, all right.” 'show', perhaps? - Report As Spam
- Morbid Humour - 07/06/2010
- I notice that your characters are in sixth period science. I'd put some description of the teacher - if they're annoyed by the fact that your characters are conversing, or if they're too busy to care. Maybe class hasn't even started yet, or it's already half way through. But I'd put something extra in there commenting on the environment, the setting.
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- Morbid Humour - 07/06/2010
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HAHA. LOL the first paragraph. XD
That expression is a bit overused, but in this case I think it makes it just that much funnier.
Alrighty, down to business. I have a pretty large suggestion; it follows up on what I commented in chapter 2. - Report As Spam
- Gravetye - 02/17/2009
- So this didn't make much sense to me, but that's only because I haven't read chapters one and two yet. Which I think I'm going to do, because despite the confusion, I rather like this. 4/5
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