Anything You Want it to Be

• Artist: Ryusaki Namaka
• Description: THis might be alittle gory more for the pg pple
• Date: 12/31/2008
• Tags: ryusakinamaka

"As if, Why would raven have anything to do with our project." Says mystery Voice." "Look out at the window.... AHHHHH." Out of now where a Shadow has appeared while the two mystery girls huge each other infear.Unforchanet for them this shadow, wasnt a no show. Once he took off his black coat.It show him white hair as long as his neck. black vest with a white rose on the heart.his pants a little baggy but it was teal color.sheos just black that has a blue oara around the bottom.raised his arms slowly up with alittle crook when they where down lifting.when he stoped a child had spoken about something of please leave us or dont please, please dont.with no awnser he realeased thousands of ravens.The End
So tell me where the two kids death in vain or not?

Comments

[Kumajirou-Canada]

Gory? All I saw were spelling mistakes, no apostraphies, and mixed up writing. DETAIL. Excaclty as the first comment stated.
What's this???
"As if, Why would raven have anything to do with our project." Says mystery Voice." "Look out at the window.... AHHHHH."
WHO IS TALKING? Punctuate right! Capitalize names!
Who died, and when?
I guess the title IS "Anything You Want it to Be", but wow.

[Reias]

I'd have to agree with the comment below. I really only know that there's some mystery Shadow with two girls. The spelling should be covered with spell check. It's so hard to figure out what you're trying to do. You have both past and present tense words going on. Please choose one, not both. Past tense is probably what you're going for here. Like Zweit I had no idea what's going on until you asked if the death of the two characters was in vain or not. RRR- Reread Revise Repost

[Zweit]

Wat? No, really. What? I had to read this over three times before I actually understood what you were trying to describe. You try to go into detail, but you only decribe this shadow. Not what's happening, not their surroundings, nor why the girls were there in the first place. You don't even know that they died until you ask the reader.

You have alot of work to do on this piece. Spell check it, add more detail, and maybe try to think of the actual story behind it.