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Chapter one: (( begining))
One warm summer afternoon, Violet, a girl of great height and immense beauty was lying down in the refuge of a large oak tree, sitting in the shade, hiding from the sun.
Violet wasn’t an ordinary child, starting off with the fact that she was very tall and thin.
She was turning fourteen and was already five foot nine and a half. She had long, straight, black hair, and her bangs somewhat covered her icy blue eyes. Her lips were naturally a blood red color, her skin was pale like snow with its’ own natural blush of light pink around her cheeks. Her lashes were full, thick and black, making its’ own type of eyeliner that made the unusually bright blueness of her eyes pop out. Her teeth were perfect. White, straight, and bright. She didn’t have a single blemish on her face. She was gorgeous and looked perfect, like a porcelain doll. Her only problem was her indifference to everything. Boys fell like dominoes, one after another trying to get her, but she didn’t care one bit. She was always like this since she was a kid. She was an orphan, and her heart was broken because she felt unloved and unwanted. That was the cause of her
apathy and lack of cooperation. The girl was “model material” but everything she saw was in black and white. She wasn’t color blind, she just didn’t see anything special in anything, she didn’t have any interests in life or the things around her. She was a blank piece of pretty note paper. No thoughts on anything other than sorrow and grief that restrains her from seeing color and having interests. Just another pretty face, fragile and easily breakable.
She was sitting under the tree reading “The Adventures of Moon and Star” by J.J Lowingstein, she was so absorbed in her reading that she didn’t even notice her onlookers. A young boy named Paris who was hiding behind another oak tree, watching the girl read with longing and amazement in his sparkling green eyes. He was already fourteen and had only recently spotted Violet at school for the first time. He felt like he was struck by lightening when he saw her. He was amazed at how she looked so perfect and divine without doing much to preserve it, or caring much about it. He knew from the start that there was something different about that girl, something about her, waiting to be discovered. Paris wasn’t a stupid child. He was a smart and talented kid, but he always had trouble getting along with others since he was shy. But there was another man that saw, that she was beautiful. He was watching her intently from a window on the second floor, he too was tall, but he was fit and strong, also a lot older. He was a new teacher at the school, Mr. Alex Demagio...
((to be continued)) - i have more written down but the teacher should be sent to jail for what he does, and it might be a little too much to write here))
- by x-Acid-lollypops-x |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/31/2008 |
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- Title: The Five Personalities...
- Artist: x-Acid-lollypops-x
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Description:
hi, book title: The Five Personalities (begining of chapter one)
the 1st personality.yeah so, i decided to submit the begining of my book 2 see what people think of it & so i can get ideas. Please leave a comment telling me if u wuld read the book, if u like it. It's about 5 completely different girls whose only similarity is that they all r facing many problems non stop.It's not a very happy book but the ending is magnificent & also a bit sad. u can send a PM 2! thanks
- Date: 07/31/2008
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Comments (4 Comments)
- x-Acid-lollypops-x - 08/01/2008
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thank you selket16!
- you know, i thought of that, but its all about what happens next. (the reason as to why she looks so perfect)
also, the teacher (as you persumed would do you know what, actually doesnt do it... the whole point of that was to make you think he might or will, but he doesnt for a few reasons) yes i know, there is a new paragraph starating with that sentence, it's just i was too lazy to resvise how i pasted this on gaia. i just copy and pasted from my microsoft word - Report As Spam
- selket16 - 07/31/2008
- 2. you foreshadow too quickly that this teacher is going to...let's say. do to her what male teachers shouldn't do to female students. Make his early interest seem intellectual... a teacher impressed that this student is so infatuated with books (The "But there was another man..." makes a very ominous overtone, maybe just removing the "but"...also, this sentence should start a new paragraph, but that's a minor grammar issue
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- selket16 - 07/31/2008
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I like what I read so far, wouldn't mind reading more.
two things:
1. she's too physically perfect, give her a tiny mole by her hair line or something.
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- x-Acid-lollypops-x - 07/31/2008
- please leave a comment with any ideas for a book about kids in a boaarding school. i'm not done yet with this book, you can say i only started it. Please tell me if the begining would interest you in reading the rest of the book, and if you like it. Ideas are appreciated, you may leave comments here, on my profile or in a pm thanks.
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