Death of Family Members....
Decemeber 25th, 2006, I went to my grandparents for Christmas like every year... The only difference was the fact that my Grandpa has been in the hospital because of cancer... I got to go see him with my uncle, my mother and step father, and my sister...
I sat quietly in the corner thinking about what it would be like if he died...I felt terrible he was there... After an hour or so, we finally got up to leave and I didn't want to go say goodbye... My mother pushed me to him and he looked me and said, "That was an interesting conversation." He was making a joke to the fact I hadn't said anything/
I said goodbye and kissed him on the temple... I couldn't hold back my tears anymore... Because, it really would be goodbye...
The next day, we knew he was getting worse... and the night of the 26th, as I laid down to bed, I told myself he'd be dead by the next day...
I woke up and noticed my mum's car was still in the driveway and marvins was gone. when he came home, I thought maybe he drove my mother to work. it wasn't until later when I asked him if he could take me to the store, did he tell responde with. "No, I have to stay to see if your mother needs a ride home."
I asked what he meant, and he told me grandpa had died last night, though really it was that morning...
I went to my room and I didn't cry at first, I was just shocked... But then I broke down and cried, much like I am doing now as I type... When I don't cry, I feel empty and try to keep laughing, but it's hard, because I feel wrong if I laugh... Even my mother laughs and tries to feel good, but... it's just hard...
The funeral is ont he 29th, tomorrow, and my sister is staying the night to go with us... Right now she is in the living room with some boy, acting as nothing matters... I don't think it matters much to her. She never would visit them unless my mother made her... I would always go if I wasn't sick. I always went... I always was there, and now, I have to go again, and see my grandpa one last time... Then he won't be there anymore.
It's hard for me to picture how easily things are stolen from us... It makes us feel terrible and want to just disappear... Just like they do...
It's hard to understand how something we love and have seen so many times can just disappear... And no matter how much you search, you can never find them again...
It's really unfair... but in my beliefs, I know that Hell is life we live, and once we die, things can become so much better... But while it's better for them, it seems to make everything harder for us who are left behind...
We had his funeral on the 29th... It was an open casket and I could see his head in the corner where he was placed. I couldn't go over... I had to stay about 3-4 feet away, scared to go near him. Not out of him being dead, but not wanting the reality that he was...
We were allowed to write letters to put into his casket...
I wrote first out of everyone in my family. My mother and sister did a long page, saying thoughts and goodbyes... But when I went up... I said probably the shortest thing said...
I wrote, "It was an interesting coversation, Grandpa... I love you. "
The day he saw me before he died, I said nothing, and the day I saw him, he couldn't speak... Our conversation was silence, and it said more then any amount of words could ever say.
There's one song that I would like to dedicate to my grandfather...
Held
By Natalie Grant
Two months is to little... They let him go, they had no... sudden healing....
To think that providence would... take a child from his mother while she begs... is appauling.
Who told us we'd be rescued? What changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us, who have died to live... It's unfair...
This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life... And you survive.. This is what it is to be loved and to know... That the promise was when everything fell... We'd be held...
This hand is bitterness... We wanna taste it. Let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand open slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow...
This is what means to be held... How it feels... when the sacred is torn from your life... And you survive... This is what it is... to be loved... and to know... That the promise was when everything fell... We'd be held...
If hope is born of suffering... If this is only the beginning...
Can we not wait, for one hour... watching for our savior?
This is what it means to be held! How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive... This is what it is to be loved! And to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held!
We'd be held!
This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held!
This is what it means to be held...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjTOh7D5S08
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