I'm Steadily Falling Apart.....
I ranted....I talked to my few 'true' friends....and I still....feel like just taking a gun to my mouth. I'm reading a manga called 'Suicide Club' and it gets me to think that maybe there are others like me....who wouldn't be afraid to die as long as we don't have to die alone. I know as long as I didn't die alone, i'd do it. I'd kill myself with no hesitation. Things are steadily getting worse here, i'm still begging for work...and i'm even pawning my most valued posessions to get a little money to pay for an apartment. I plan to leave for Tennessee Monday or Tuesday. I'm gonna try tying some form of box or something to take what little things I have with me on bike. If I am forced to...i'll hitchhike. I'm already hearing my aniue and my moms (nissa-chan, Rachel) yelling at me "What the hell are you thinking? Are you flipping crazy? We'll help you out somehow!" The thing is....Nissa....David...I don't want help. I'm always relying on what little bit of family I have (Yes family, I know them as my family. Always will) and i'm sick of alwyas having to be propped up. I'll prove i'm not a kid. I'll prove I can take care of myself.....or i'll die trying.
I tried eating today....me not eating for 6 days really made it so I can't even eat a whole bowl of cereal wiithout wanting to throw up. I stopped the cutting...for now. And I didn't try to jump off a cliff....but I did jump out my window and sprained my ankle...and my wrist. Gods i'm a baka...@_@ Anyways i'm going back to the pawn shop today to sell something else. Wish me luck....*laughs* Yeah....luck.
No matter what i'll always love my small family. And...I guess I made a promise not to kill myself...so I guess i'll be living until at least my 18th birthday. After that, it will be life and my rules. *sighs hard* I don't know what i'm going to do.....gods i'm such a coward.
Oh yeah....I entered myself into the arena for next week....so
Vote for Me
I'll love you forever.
That is all.
I'm so ready to fall apart.....
Community Member