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Sister</3
I know that she still cares about me, and that she always will. She is my sister, I cannot expect more from her, but there is this feeling with me, that I cant shake. I feel as if her boyfriend has replaced me in her life. Instead of calling me when she's upset, she calls him. I don't mind, I mean, he's her boyfriend, but it's just that I feel so uneeded by her now, and right now is when I need her most. Times are changing, and she is too, but no matter what, I'll stay the same because change is what I am most afraid of. I love her no matter how non-exsistent I am to her, and I will never forget her.. I just don't want her to forget me... I know she loves me, we have been through so much together.. death and change we have been through and no matter how hard it gets, she always pulls me away from it all... But I think now we have both given up and have melted into the madness that has become the people we are today. There is still something left of us, that craves those laughs from the days we were full of life... I just don't think that I have her with me right now. She isn't suffering anymore... she has someone to share her joy with, and thats not me anymore. But I am happy for her. As long as she is happy I'll be fine pretending that I enjoy letting her go. I just feel like I'm losing someone I love again, and letting it slip away is what I am doing. I just want her to know that I will always love her, no matter how much she hates me.. I and I just her to know that I care... that she matters to me.. she is all I have left of my old life, and I dont want to lose that about me. So if this is to become a faint memory in the wind, lost it's pain and torture, then let it be. Only then can I set this suffering free.
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