I am so alone right now. I think I may of accidently try to cut my leg while I was sleepwalking last night. I just found the mark a few hours ago. I miss all the people that I love and love me back. I wish that this wasn't so hard. My body always controls me so I can't control anything. It is just not fair. I hope I can survive at least one more day so that way I can hangout with my boyfriend once more. Ever since that happened with my mom and now "ex" fiance, I have been a living wreck. It feels like it is my fault for some reason. I mean, I hang out a lot and now when I finally come to stay at home, a lot of s**t happens. It is like I have this curse. It is like I am the blame for everything. It is like I am not wanted. Ever since I was a child at a younger age, I have be pushed around, made fun of, and beaten up because I am different. I want to fight back but what good would that do. It would just end up with me getting in trouble. Ever since, my mental health as well as physical health has gotten worse. It is just so weird knowing that no one might not like me. I only have few friends, family, and a boyfriend. This is all I have to survive off of and if this isn't enough, why should I still live. It is always abusive at home ever since my mom always acted like a b***h which ended up with her never be happy and making me suffer for it. I can remember when my stepdad would always abuse me, my brother, and my sister. He would always try to pick a fight with us even when we were just little kids. I am glad he is gone now but I don't know if this would be it forever. I don't know if I can take much more of this
DarkLotusAngel · Sat Jul 08, 2006 @ 01:41am · 0 Comments |