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This is me happy yet sad. I am so upset knowing that all this s**t is happening to me right now. For some reason, a cold-hearted human being they call my own mother kicked out her fiance again. I am lonely because I don't get to see my boyfriend and I don't know if he is coming to anime vegas on saturday or not and I love him very much. I found out that my algebra teacher from last school year may be dead. On The 4th of July, my two brother-in-laws were fighting and the younger one pulled a knife on the older one. I have had so much stress and when I get more stressed, the more confused and ill I become. Sometimes I even get thoughts about killing myself. This has happened ever since I was little. It is a condition that I have had ever since I was a baby. Ever since my stepdad starting yelling as I got older, I got more and more ill minded. My mental being started to get worse and worse and it is getting worse after every fight, violent situation, or state of being pissed off always occured. I can remember that I accidently called my boyfriend when it wasn't a good time and he ended up yelling at me. I don't think that I want to be in this world anymore. I mean, I always end up crying even when I don't think about it. It is like I am full of emotion and I can't even control it. I have this power that I can't controlled. It is definetly overwhelming me and I don't know what I can do to stop it. My life is always a living hell and I may be dead when I wake up, anytime. That is how bad it is. I sleepwalk and I may get a knife and take my own life. I almost did that when I was so close to hitting a vital spot on my arm. I still have that mark. I am full of depression and despare and I can't even control it. If I don't reply to this or make anymore journal entries, that means that I may be dead or fighting for my life in the state that went seriously out of control. It's just not fair anymore. I just want to take my own life. I don't want to live in this world anymore. I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to take this s**t anymore. I just want to end it once and for all.....
DarkLotusAngel · Fri Jul 07, 2006 @ 06:19am · 0 Comments |