Today was 4th of July. My sister, brother, and I always go over to my second familes house. Meow Meow*my best friend* was feeling sick yet we still kicked a** in kingdom hearts. My sister was going to meet us over at her house later, instead she went to her boyfriends. Every year its been the same. We go over with my mom, Mason, and Kendall, chill out all afternoon, shoot off some fireworks, and the party... but this year... things were missing. Not only my mom, not only my sister, just the part of me that felt happy to be there. To enjoy the moment with my family. Today Kitty told me things i have never heard before, things that shes never told me, and i felt good about that. That she wanted to to listen, that she just wanted me to care. And i did. For three hours I sat there and cared. I cared about how she felt about my mom, i cared how she felt about her mom, and most of all, i listened to how she cared about others. I miss her so much. I feel so far away from her. We never talk anymore, its like losing someone all over again, and i hate it. Yet we stillpull eachother back again. My sister left me, to go to her boyfriends. I dont mind. She has a life too. I guess shes just moving on. I guess that spending time with Meow and I really isnt that as important as her boyfriend. I dont mind. She needs to live elsewhere too. I guess that the whole abandament thing is getting to me. I hate being alone, but i always am. No matter where i am... i always feel alone. Sometimes i feel like i dont belong anywhere in this world, because i dont. I miss my sister, she is a part of me, and to see her slam the door on me when im trying to talk to her while shes on the phone just makes me cry. She doesnt know how much she effects me. I dont think anyone knows. ******** therapy. Meow says i was born in therapay. Its not working and it never will. They dont know how i really feel and i never want to tell them. To all you Gaia folk who are reading this, thanks for caring and reading my emo-ventage...
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