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Ok, here we go agian:

"If it's already in your mouth, you might as well swallow it, right?"

(this was around 3-4 in the morning)
"I'm just a boy with raging hormones that wants a pair of boobs to call his own."

"I have this sudden urge to d**k slap your cat"
"Go for you wildest dreams"

"Why do people love optimus prime so much?"
"He's like a Robot Jesus"

"I have a windmill in my beard, you arguements are invalid"

(This was an article in a paper)
"Looking for:
A tall well built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music, and tal-
king. But not getting too serious."
Now read lines 1,3,and 5 only

"The ca...cat...in the...ha-
******** this, I'm going to be a stripper."

"Jesus, is that baby for sale?"
"It is now, lol"

"Dude, my power is that I make things moist, on my most badass of days I only make people want to take a shower."

"I'm going to take her home and show her the hammer.."
(holds up fists)
"And these are not the hammer."
(walks away and then comes back in 2 seconds)
"...By the hammer, I mean my p***s"

(This was in a comercial advertising insurence solutions)
"Now I can focus on more important things, like ninjas."

"You know some days I worry about you, and I've only known you for like 2 days"

(This was late at night right before I went to sleep at a friends house)
(My friend's voice comes from his room where he and his girlfriend sleep)
"What, what?"
(Me and other friend staying over)
"In the butt!"
(we hear a girl scream)

"Ever wonder where the battle cry: huzah came from?"
"Huh?"
"Because when you have slayn your foe on the battle field, or a duel, or what have you, it's just not manly enough for you or your army to jump up and down and say "yippie!"

(only people that have seen one piece will understand)
"Do you think Luffy ever goes out to get rubbers?"

"Look what I have, one-hundred pieces of candy!"
"That's like a a million pieces of candy!"

"I'm going to kill you till you die"

"You saved me!"
"Yeah, I had to beat off all the guys to get to you"

"Uh, You just threw a brick into my window"
"WHAT THE HELL?!? Your window chipped my brick!"
"Oh, wait, nevermind, you're off this time"

(sherif talking to his new deputy)
"So what do you like doing?"
"Playing chess, and screwing"
"Well, lets play chess..."

"Daddy how do squids have sex?"
"Why the same way I have sex...with squids"

"Hey mister will you tell me a story?"
"Sure Bobby, Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle.
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
and the dish ran away with the spoon.
He ran from conviction, and fed his addiction;
as the dish began to hate the spoon.
The spoon begged to go, and the dish said "NO!
the haroin will be ready soon."

(waiter comes to the table)
"Can I have the lesbian cuisine?"
"Sir you must have misread, we have lebanese cuisine."
...
"You need a few more minutes sir?"
"yeah, yeah..."

"Hey seizer man, can you hold my soda
and this new born infant while I turn on
this strobe light?"

And I'll see all of you next time