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whatever, right? what the ******** do you care
just ******** .. whatever. no, not doing it.

i feel so.. just.. broken, really..
but it doesn't matter..
he's happy, he wants to stay there
so.. whatever i guess..
he deserves to be happy
..but i do too, don't i?
anyways.. i think i care just barely enough for myself anymore to reject brent's offer.. as tempting as half of it is..

well.. for now at least i guess..

I have to have remembered this right it seems too familiar

Looks like u been here in 2017, maybe ull see this. I been trying to remember my gmail or anything and i just never could, sorry its been several years. Then gaia flashed into my head out of nowhere in the barn. I was a douchebag most of the time anyways... as evidenced in the journal, but im pretty sure i said id always b around if u needed or wanted

Im a huge asshat. I dont remember most if this or te stuff in the nefershai journal. Im sorry. Really really sorry. I dont know what i was thinking, even if i did remember more about it. I donno this morning gaia went into my head while shoveling horse crap. Then, even thou i been trying mult times over the years, i guessed the right pw. I donno now i feel bad, like i shuldnt hav remembered. But i thought things were ok that last whenever we talked.

Unfortunaley i think a lot of y all this was so bad was my criminal activity n drug use. But i was also just a total jackass. I pry still am but i hope not. Sorry again. You had a lot of good insight i should hav paid attention to. I havent been on any drugs for a long time now, def over a year i think like 2 or 3 tho. I donno today has been weird now i cant remember recent stuff. Yeah theres a lot of typos but this comp super old and my internet is really bad, plus im too lazy to fix them, it took half an hour to remember how to see whited out messages... i havent been on a comp since pry around last time i talked to u either. I asked the kids how to see hidden messages, they played dumb said i donno what ur talking about.... teens/preteens...

Sorry again, if i culd go back in time and convince me to listen to myself and not b so arrogant and angry and hurtful i would